Topical Chat, April 6, 2006

Topical Chat, April 6, 2006

So, snow yesterday, and 60 degrees today. What is this, Denver?

1. On a man who pleaded guilty to weapons of mass destruction charges for sending a mail bomb to a Chicago surgeon he said botched his penile enlargement surgery:
“Apparently, the doctor forgot to add the hole at the tip.”

2. On a Cornell University horticulturist who says a little hard liquor helps houseplants:
“He then urinated in the closet.”

3. On hundreds of garbage carts in Nashville being stolen since the city began distributing them:
“Now, how will any of the country singers get any inspiration to write new songs without garbage?”

4. On a baby shower that went bad in Massachusetts - 3 people arrested after a brawl and shooting:
“It’s not a baby shower until somebody gets grazed by a bullet.”

5. On the new fad of Amish-inspired clothing that is being produced by such designers as such designers as Ralph Lauren, Giorgio Armani, Donna Karan, Yohji Yamamoto, Carolina Herrera and Calvin Klein:
“On the heels of this announcement, Ford announced plans for a new Horse-and-Buggy model.”

6. On a drunk woman in Indiana who snuck inside a parked police car and then locking herself in:
“The horticulturist bailed her out.”

7. On Hilton Head High School, which will be conducting breathalyzer tests at the prom:
“Geez, now they are having tests at school dances? Students are encouraged to ‘study’ for this one.”

8. On a woman in Michigan who recently found out that she owns half of a cemetery:
“The cemetery business is very popular, because people are always dying to get in.”