Topical Chat, March 10, 2006

Good thing I washed my car in 40-degree weather last Saturday. It would’ve been terrible to wash it in 70-degree weather (like tomorrow).

1. On a man in Ohio, after stealing a car, being arrested after stopping to ask for directions at the car owner's father's house:
“I bet if the father gave him directions to the police station, the guy probably would’ve driven there.”

2. On a stray tabby cat comforting a 45-year-old grieving orangutan at the Florida Zoo:
“See what a little pussy can do for you?”

3. On a school bus driver in Iowa being arrested and fired after allegedly dropping off a 6-year-old boy six miles from home:
“The driver apparently got mixed up, because all of the potato fields look the same.”

4. On a man in South Dakota who once weighted more than 1,000 pounds, now down to only 400 pounds:
“I’ll probably never be able to listen to that Stone Temple Pilots’ song again.”

5. On Kentucky nuns challenging local librarians in the annual corporate spelling bee:
“Man, this must be one hot ticket.”

6. On a Brown University Senior who has turned bathroom graffiti into an art exhibit:
“Gives a whole new meaning to ‘What can Brown do for You?’”

7. On a family in Oregon who got quite a surprise when they broke open a piñata at a children's birthday party - instead of candy, there were pictures of scantily clad men and women, advertising a tropical vacation:
“Talkin’ about knockin’ the ass off of the Pinata!”

8. On a fight between two hotel maids in South Carolina - each accusing the other of taking the toilet paper from their respective cleaning carts:
“This one is tons more entertaining than the nuns vs. librarians!”