Topical Chat, March 3, 2006

Heckuva “winter storm” we got yesterday. Another point for the weather forecasters.

1. On a mayor in South Carolina who got a $375 ticket for going 103 in a 55 mph zone:
“Apparently, he didn’t want to miss the ‘can-can’ sale at the Piggly-Wiggly.”

2. On a teen who pinched and twisted another boy's nipple at a deli getting four days of juvenile detention:
“I guess they are instituting a new ‘tit-for-tat’ rule.”

3. On an Iowa woman who faked her own death to avoid paying traffic tickets:
“Of course, maybe she faked her death because she lives in Iowa.”

4. On a sticker on a bicycle that said "this bike is a pipe bomb" causing a scare Thursday at Ohio University that shut down four buildings, prior to authorities learning the message was the name of a punk rock band:
“Upon news of this, other local punk bands “I.P. Freely,” “Hugh G. Rection,” and “Phil McCrackin,” where contemplating more radical name changes.”

5. On a 2-year-old horse breaking a world record and selling for $16 million at auction:
“I think the buyer paid “whey” too much.”

6. On a Florida man who was showing off his new OnStar system in his Cadillac, but not realizing it was on, which attracted police, who found cocaine in his car, and arrested him:
“Thanks, OnStar!”

7. On a lawyer in Las Vegas, who is planning to file a federal law suit in order to allow him to call himself the “Heavy Hitter:”
“Las Vegas gave him the following names as options instead of Heavy Hitter: ‘Money Grubber,’ ‘Blood Sucker,’ and ‘Senor Slime.’

8. On New Jersey state senators considering a plan that would allow wireless gambling on handheld devices similar to Blackberries:
“They are also considering giving cops Blackberries in order to ‘write’ tickets without getting up for the counter at Donkin Donuts.”