Topical Chat, February 10, 2006

I’m dreaming of a white ….Olympics?

1. On a Colorado woman delivering a premature, 1.5-pound baby girl in a toilet:
“And to think, she was blaming her ‘indigestion’ on the Mexican food.”

2. On a woman who weighs 37 pounds, stands 3 feet tall and uses a wheelchair who has given birth to her first child:
“They are using a thimble as the baby carriage.”

3. On an Oklahoma woman who has the unique ability to whistle through her toes:
“Coincidentally, she is also married to her brother.”

4. On a transit bus driver in Philadelphia who grabbed a woman by the hair, knocked her head into a pole, opened the door and tossed her into traffic after she yelled at him for missing her stop:
“The driver is now the front-runner to become the next mayor of Philadelphia.”

5. On a man who married his bride in a courtroom immediately after he was sentenced to at least a decade in prison on a murder conspiracy charge:
“At least the new bride won’t have to worry about being abused.”

6. On a woman who claims that her 89-year-old mother spooned a dead mouse into her mouth from a bowl of Campbell's bean with bacon soup:
“Looks like the Campbell’s venture with Disney went bad.”

7. On a Washington state teacher who is going to jail for six months, for having sex with one of his students – who is now pregnant and married to him:
“Rumor has it that there is a new posting for a sex-ed position … authorities say it is just a coincidence.”

8. On a new soda that claims to be able to jump-start your libido:
“New Pepsi, with Viagra!”