Topical Chat, February 3, 2006
Super Bowl Friday – and of course, this could be the best Super Bowl ever, mainly because the Stones are playing the halftime show – I hear the NFL is taking extra precautions so that the audience is spared from a potential Keith Richards wardrobe malfunction.
1. On Muslims rioting after a Danish newspaper printed a comic strip with a picture of Muhammed with a bomb on his head (depicting Islam as a violent religion):
“Good thing they proved the comic strip wrong.”
2. On an alleged burglar who was rescued after he got stuck overnight in the oven vent of the convenience store he was trying to rob in Florida:
“If the burglar got stuck, it must’ve been a fast food restaurant.”
3. On a crocodile who leapt out of a roadside culvert and slammed into a car in northern Australia:
“I would love to see the accident report for this one.”
4. On a Saudi cargo worker who fell asleep while packing cargo, and woke up freezing in Turkey:
“I’m gonna take two guesses here. The first guess is he probably got fired. The second guess is that this will probably never happen to him again.”
5. On organizers of a vintage car rally hiring karate experts to protect vehicles from marauding native parrots:
“The second choice was the Hell’s Angels, but they still get a bad rap for that Altamount concert.”
6. On an 82-year-old animal lover who was arrested this week on allegations he grabbed and brandished a trapper's revolver during a scuffle over the skunk:
“The cops had new trouble finding him. He was the shriveled guy that smelled like ass.”
7. On a 100-pound woman who ate 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes Wednesday at a New York restaurant, winning the World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship:
“I’m wondering if there is a ball scratching championship that I could sign up for.”
8. On experts who conducted tests on 40 songbirds that were found dead in Vienna, concluding that they didn't die of bird flu as initially feared, but slammed into windows after becoming intoxicated from eating fermented berries:
“Reports came out that the song birds were singing country music prior to the deaths.”
posted by Los @ 10:22 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
Stones playing halftime does not make football worth watching.
1. All main religions promote violence and intolerance, just not all are as open about it as Extremist Islam.
2. Note to self: grease up when robbing a convenience store.
3. Do Aussies have auto crocodile insurance?
4. Wonder what his horoscope said? Beware naps and travel?
5. Maurauding parrots? Who the hell is scared of a parrot? What ya gonna do parrot, mimic me to death?
6. Damn trappers.
7. Wow. What a useless talent that is.
8. Reports came out that the birds committed suicide after hearing Karl sing that damn 'Safety Dance' song.
You stole my Keith Richards joke.
1. Talk about justifying your own negative press.
2. How do you pass the time in a situation like that? What does one think about?
3. Does Geico consider that a roadside hazard?
4. There is nothing worse in life than the words "Freezing in Turkey".
5. Marauding parrots? Sounds like a Monty Python skit.
6. One animal that really doesn't need defending are skunks. They need to become extinct.
7. You could eat that, Karl, after one night with ol' Fred Green.
8. The birds were all flying home after a 3am meeting at Denny's where they all ordered grand slam breakfasts and drove the waitstaff crazy.
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