Topical Chat, January 16, 2006

Happy Martin Luther King Day, everybody. I hope you will at least take a moment out of your day (if you have to work, like me) to give thanks to a man who made tremendous strides (at a personal and ultimately life-ending risk) for equal rights.

On Ken Ortmann, an alderman who owns a local tavern in St. Louis who wants to lower the penalties for public urination before the Feb. 25 Mardi Gras Parade:
“You know, it wouldn’t be Mardi Gras without the stale urine smell.”

On a man in California who solved Rubik’s cube in just over 11 seconds … with only one hand:
“These are the kinds of stories that make me feel smart … the same exact reason why I won’t watch Jeopardy (although another reason is because I have a hard time watching Alex Trebek).

On students from Duke and North Carolina trying to set a record by playing a basketball game for 2 ½ days to raise money for charities:
“Apparently, the main event was a steel cage match between Kryzezwski and Williams.”

On three University of South Florida officials being fired after the school discovered $275,000 in misplaced checks (some being up to 10 years old) and cash scattered throughout an office:
“I can’t understand why nobody takes Florida schools seriously.”

On a small east Arkansas town of Gillett doubling its population on the second weekend of every year as candidates and political junkies gather for its annual Coon Supper (a raccoon dinner):
“Ant to think we elected a president from this state.”

On a high school research assignment on Internet pornography being canceled after parents in a Cleveland suburb complained:
“At least we are seeing a balance across the country – no internet porn, and no intelligent design classes.”

On a couple in Washington who ordered an IRS instruction booklet and instead received 24,000 booklets (in 12 boxes) of the Form 1040 instructions for 2005 (not what they ordered):
“Our government didn’t get it’s ‘strong’ reputation overnight … it took years of events such as this one.”

On A lawyer who faces a felony charge of kidnapping for allegedly abducting a client from his wedding celebration in an attempt to collect legal fees.
“I’m still trying to figure out why lawyers have such a bad and slimy reputation.”