Topical Chat, January 5, 2005

Funny how the last two bowl games were the best two (I guess that is the way it is supposed to be).

1. On an alleged burglar in South Carolina who was arrested after cooking a pan of cocktail franks, and making fresh juice during his break-in:
“I always say that one should not burgle on an empty stomach.”

2. On a judge ruling that mooning is not illegal in Maryland, clearing man accused of indecent exposure:
“This is one step closer to what Ray Lewis is lobbying for in Maryland – a ruling that murder is not illegal in Maryland.”

3. On Israeli PM Ariel Sharon clinging to life after a second stroke:
“Why do I get the feeling that the “roadmap” to a separate Palestinian state may be in jeopardy?”

4. On a prenuptial wedding agreement with mandatory backrubs and $5 nagging fees that didn’t work in saving a marriage:
“I’m guessing that they forgot to add mandatory oral favors to the pre-nup.”

5. On a man in St. Louis, MO, who was posing as a Grammy winner in order to get free guitars and equipment:
“I swear, I’m Clay Aikens!”

6. On a St. Louis aquarium selling a rare two-headed albino snake for $150,000:
“Why do I get the feeling that Larry Flynt inquired about this?”

7. On an artist who chained his legs together to draw a picture of the image, and then had to hop 12 hours through the desert after realizing he lost the key and couldn't unlock the restraints:
“Sometimes in order for people to learn from stupid ideas, they must go forward with said ideas.”

8. On a leader of the Southern Baptist Convention, who was outspoken in his fight against homosexuality, being arrested in Oklahoma City on a lewdness complaint for allegedly propositioning a plainclothes policeman:
“Why is it that I get a kick out of stories like this? People who use the ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude, shaming others who choose certain lifestyles, and then getting arrested for something they claim to be against.