Topical Chat, December 16, 2005

Another day closer to Christmas …er, the holidays (I want to be overly P.C.).

1. On a person in Atlanta who has been ordered to stand trial for allegedly selling a $1.75 subway token to a passenger who had trouble with the token vending machine:
“The City of Atlanta is contemplating a Pontius Pilot Day as well.”

2. On a map turtle who received braces in Watertown, NY:
“This will make the turtle a good whistler in a few years.”

3. On Japanese zoo keepers who are getting overweight Penguins to exercise:
“This will make a more healthy sushi in a few years.”

4. On a new high-tech toilet seats that rinses and warms people's bottoms:
“The Rusty Trombone feature costs extra.”

5. On the city of San Francisco offering Christmas tree rentals:
“Again, I am shocked by this happening in San Francisco. You should see what the garland is made of.”

6. On a lawmaker in Connecticut who is calling for regulations for hypnotists:
“The Hypnotists have asked to meet with this lawmaker alone so they can ‘persuade’ him.”

7. On a bill in Brazil that will require a bathroom for transvestites in clubs and restaurants:
“This shouldn’t be an inconvenience at all. How about a restroom for perverts as well, with peekholes to the ladies room?”

8. On a deputy sheriff who is oldest rookie with the Lee County, Florida, Sheriff's Department, at age 69:
“This will go over like a bucket of farts, although Florida really is known for their old people, so maybe this does make sense. When he retires, will he get a gold diaper?