Topical Chat, December 5, 2005

Penn State vs. Florida State in the Orange Bowl???????? I’m not a happy camper, although I would love to see the Lions throttle Bowden’s Criminals.

1. On a group of Arkansas college students setting a world record for the world's largest Christmas stocking:
"They need big stockings in Arkansas in order to fit the tractors in ‘em.”

2. On a name change on the way for Elite Governor Dummer Academy in Massachusetts:
“In a related story, there seems to be a bidding war between some prominent universities in Florida for the name.”

3. On vandals in Sweden setting fire to a giant Christmas straw goat for the 22nd time:
“Where to go with this one. First, what the hell does a goat have to do with Christmas? Second, if it has happened 22 times, maybe it is time to either scrap the straw goat idea, build the goat out of something that is not flammable, or have security for the straw goat.”

4. On police in Tennessee arresting a man who stole a hot air balloon:
“This must’ve been one heck of a getaway attempt. How does one in a hot air balloon elude the cops anyway?”

5. On a man in Indiana who stole a large amount of meat, evaded an officer who tried to stop McCray in his car with the steaks and roasts, but then inexplicably started throwing the meats out the window as he drove, so that the cops could follow him and finally arrest him:
“I think Michael Stivick is relieved that somebody else has laid claim to the nickname ‘Meat-head.’”

6. On the Subway restaurant chain apologizing to any Kansans who were offended by a sign that took a playful jab at the Sunflower State – the sign, promoting a salmon sandwich, read: "Another reason you're lucky not to live in Kansas."
“Subway has been in the news a lot lately. I’m guessing they won’t have to make too many apologies to the ‘intellectuals’ residing in Kansas.”

7. On glow-in-the-dark flowers that are now being sold by a Dutch company that says it fits the 'bling bling' trend:
“Oh, I can’t wait for the commercials promoting these flowers by some of my favorities like Kayne West and 50 Cent.”

8. On a 22-year-old who tried to extract methamphetamine from his own urine after smoking the drug in a South San Francisco hotel room:
“You might have a wee bit of an addiction if you are trying to extract drugs from your own urine (get it, wee?)”