Topical Chat, November 11, 2005

Frigid Friday. But still, because it is Friday, it is better than a mild Monday.

1. On the Weather Channel experimenting with using celebrities such as Lewis Black on the program:
“You know at some point they will have ‘The Weathergirls’ perform its raining men on the channel … but by then, all credibility will have long been lost, after having Steve Carrel reprise his role in the Anchorman movie.”

2. On 3 young adults who died playing catch with a grenade in Bosnia:
“Finally, a game that is more dangerous than Russian Roulette.”

3. On Jerry Springer’s November 17 Trailer Park Pageant in New York, which included the singing lesbian trailer-trash twins, the lady who builds nativity scenes out of lotto stubs and the pregnant hula-hooper:
“Doesn’t FOX already show this on their ‘Trading Spouses’ shows?”

4. On a thief in Virginia who Robs banks while talking on her cell phone:
“See, not all thieves are idiots. Some can even multi-task in mid-heist.”

5. On hunting season opening for a mythical Swedish lake monster after It lost its endangered species protection:
“Unfortunately, Roxette has not been heard of in many years.”

6. On an Iowa woman finding a dead baby turtle in a package of freeze-dried coffee:
“Oh, I can think of a number of punchlines for this one … none of them being very good, but here goes – ‘Good to the last shell,’ ‘I had no idea that Dunkin Donuts has a new flavor called Turtle Latte,’ ‘Folger’s has gone to a new level with their instant coffee with crystals AND turtles.’”

7. On a convicted rapist getting extra time after telling the Judge that he was being 'real rude:'
“And the rapist has first-hand knowledge on what is and what isn’t rude.”

8. On a tooth believed to have been pulled from Napoleon's mouth that was sold for more than $22,000 at an auction in London:
“I wonder how much his jock strap is going for … you know, the one he lost while fighting the Brits.”