Sunday, May 04, 2008

Slow Down!!!

Hey everyone, I haven't had many people visit this site in a while, so I'm probably going to either stop or cut-back on the postings here, and focus more on my "Plethora" site. Please, come join me there - I talk about anything and everything!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Topical Chat, April 30, 2008

End of April … so, if April Showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?

1.On a report that British people are ruder now than they were 10 years ago:
“Prince Charles read this article and apparently spit on it …”

2. On ABC News asking if people should start stockpiling food, because of the rising costs:
“Apparently, this situation is this year’s Avian Flu epidemic …”

3. On Cher revealing that she once dated Tom Cruise:
“But, isn’t Tom Cruise ga …. Nevermind.”,26278,23615443-10388,00.html

4. On Vivid Entertainment releasing a sex tape allegedly starring Jimi Hendrix:
“Let’s just hope this was recorded before he died …”

5. On controversial pictures of teen actress Miley Cyrus causing the website of Vanity Fair to crash:
“Since Brittney hasn’t done anything stupid in the past few weeks, the tabloids are really reaching …”

6. On the affair Roger Clemens had with a very young Mindy McCready:
“Next thing you know, we’ll find out that Clemens is a Scientologist …”

7. On the call girl involved in the sex scandal with former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer filing a lawsuit - suing the founder of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series for more than $10 million:
“Looks like she’s trying to get another 15 minutes of fame with this one …”

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My hat goes off to the Sixers - what a turnaround!

1. On Royal Carribean cruise line kicking a family off the ship late at night and abandoning them in the Bahamas when their 7-month-old child became sick:
"I bet the 'ship' really hit the fan with that one!"

2. On Dunkin Donuts' employment application that asks applicants to sign a statement that reads, "I understand and agree that … I can be fired for any reason:"
"The price we pay for cheap pastry!"

3. On Yoichi, a scotch whiskey distilled on the shores of the Sea of Japan, becoming the first variety produced outside Scotland to win the coveted single malt award in an international competition run by Whisky Magazine:
"Plus, every bottle has a piece of sushi at the bottom ..."

4. On a woman who had phone sex with a man claiming he raped her over the phone:
"Wow, that must've been one big antenna!"

5. Chanel wanting to sign up Frances Bean Cobain, daughter of Courtney Love and Curt Cobain, to be the face of the fragrance:
"Man, could you imagine all the songs Curt could've written about this???"

6. On a smelly check causing a bank evacuation and hazmat response:
"On an unrelated note, a local company decided to stop making its 'turd-flavored scratch-n-sniff' checks ...",0,3530203.story

7. On motorists over the age of 75 possibly facing compulsory tests of their eyesight and ability to drive under new proposals:
"This is much better than my idea of building separate roads for the elderly..."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Topical Chat, April 23, 2008

So, I’m not sure if I have a cold or spring allergies … either way, it sucks.

1.On the U.S. believing that North Korea was helping Syria build a nuclear reactor that could produce plutonium:
“Wait, North Korea doing something evil????? No way!”

2. On a truck spilling Jell-o on a highway:
“Hopefully the highway was ‘desserted’ at the time …”

3. On a guy breaking into his dad’s house to steal $5 in pennies:
“That doesn’t even make any ‘cents.’”

4. On a man whofound three guns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition in his 13-year-old daughter's treehouse:
“We’ve come a long way since the Little Rascals …”

5. On Shirley Temple Black, one of the most popular child stars in Hollywood history, celebrating her 80th birthday at home with a broken arm:
“I guess she took it literally when somebody told her to ‘raise the roof’ on her birthday …”

6. On 2 people in India being arrested for stealing more than 100 vials of human semen:
“Hey, what’s in this drink, anyway?”

7. On an oral surgeon who is suing the Chicago Bulls because he was injured in high-five with their mascot:
“That sounds like a load of ‘you know what’ to me …”,1,2429632.story

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Topical Chat, April 21, 2008

What a beautiful weekend – grilled up my first burgers and dogs of the year!

1. On more than 140 people being rushed to local hospitals with food poisoning after eating fish balls apparently made from the puffer fish:
“Bestiality doesn’t pay!”

2. On two women reporting that a ghost has been having sex with them:
“It must’ve been a ‘haunting’ experience!”

3. On a who tried to fight a bank's repossession of his home ending up in jail with "murderers, rapists and drug dealers:”
“The United States of the 1970’s thinks this is a travesty …”,21985,23567055-661,00.html

4. On Danica Patrick becoming the first female racer to win a major auto race:
“In a seemingly unrelated note, Michelle Wie is considering switching from golf to Indycar …”

5. On a man who was tasered by police being taken to the hospital after the stun gun ignited a "flammable object" in his pants, and burning him:
“I guess the guy wasn’t lying when he said he had a pocket rocket he needed to bury …”

6. On a new study that finds that fire retardants, mercury and stain-proof coatings are some of the chemicals found in the bodies of live dogs and cats:
“The good news is if your house burns down, Fluffy might still make it …”

7. On a train company announcing it will ban passengers who repeatedly put their feet on seats:
“I had no idea Comcast owns a train company …”

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Topical Chat, April 18, 2008

Let’s go Flyers … clap-clap clap-clap-clap!!!!!!

1. On Martha Stewart’s dog, Paw-Paw, passing away:
“Somehow, I’m not sure if Martha would say, ‘it’s a good thing …’”

2. On a British teacher’s claim that baldness is a disability:
“Well, if that’s the case, this guy might want to try stupidity as well …”

3. On a discharged patient being accused of stealing an ambulance, then speeding away at up to 100 mph:
“He was immediately offered a position with the hospital …”

4. On American surgeons claiming that they have removed a man's appendix by operating through his mouth:
“Are these the same surgeons from the movie ‘Spies Like Us?’”,,91251-1312960,00.html?f=rss

5. On London police believing that putting clergymen on buses will prevent unruly behavior from teenagers:
“However, sexual harassment cases on said busses will probably rise …”

6. On a teenage girl having to be rescued by firefighters after getting stuck in a baby's swing:
“From the ‘what could possibly go wrong whilst playing truth-or-dare’ department.”

7. On a baby girl being struck in the head with an empty glass after an argument over a spitball fight:
“From the ‘Failed Three Stooges Scripts’ department …”,0,5420074.story

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Topical Chat, April 16, 2008

I think I might have to mow my lawn for the first time in 2008 this weekend … damn!

1. On college students being made to sign contracts which may force them to throw away their scruffy jumpers and torn jeans:
“I’d be happy with them pulling those jeans above their ass-cheeks …”

2. On Carmelo Anthony being pulled over for D.U.I.:
“Two words … Allen … Iverson …”

3. On Eminem singing at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday:
“Nothing screams Apartheid like Eminem.”

4. On a binge drinking girl who suffered liver failure at just 14:
“I thought Amy Winehouse was older …”

5. On a dairy farmer who believes a happy cow is a productive cow discovering an unusual way to relax his herd and increase milk yields – tai chi:
“This guy is quite a- ‘moo’ –sing…”

6. On a 101-year-old marathoner, who took a break halfway through a marathon for a cigarette and a beer:
“He keeps that up, and he won’t live a day past 105!”

7. On Vidal Sassoon being hailed as an anti-fascist warrior-hairdresser:
“So, is this a compliment or put-down?”