Topical Chat, October 28, 2005

I hope everyone has a ghoulish weekend, and make sure you set traps on your property for Mischief Night.

1. On a man imitating an undercover officer showing a woman his tattoos, then asking for date, an then getting arrested:
“No, that’s not a hard-on, that’s my night-stick.”

2. On a remote control that has been developed in Japan that can control humans (at least their movements):
“You will buy Playstation 3 … Playstation 3 is better than X-Box … Repeat, you will buy Playstation 3.”

3. On a WalMart memo which stated that unhealthy people need not apply:
“Hmmm…..Soon they won’t let these unhealthy people shop there, either.”

4. On a cat in Wisconsin who got lost, and was found in a crate in France:
“This might be kitty hell.”

5. On a man in Missouri who found a 56-pound mushroom on a friend’s farm:
“I hear the organizers of Woodstock have contacted him about a show sometime next year… and to see what kind of mushroom it was.”

6. On a convicted bank robber saying he was driven to commit robbery because he missed his mother:
“His mother’s name was Patty Hearst.”

7. On the report that George Takei, the guy who played Sulu, is gay:
“I thought Star Trek taught us that the concept of ‘Gay’ was eliminated in the future. Ha!”

8. On real life "Dumb and Dumber" bank bandits who did numerous things wrong in their heist, including robbing a place they bank at, trying to buy $10,000 worth of jewelry with $5 bills, and taking pictures of themselves flashing the cash in front of them:
“They were looking into money laundering, but they didn’t like to deal with wet cash.”