Topical Chat, October 24, 2005
Topical Chat, October 24, 2005
After such a good sports weekend (Flyers win, Eagles win, Nittany Lions win), it is always easier to come back to work on Monday (not much easier - after all, it is still Monday).
1. On Danish Researchers who are designing pillows that
sing soldiers to sleep in Kosovo, Iraq and other
hotspots:
“You should see what kind of pillows Fredericks of Hollywood is designing.”
2. On a Wisconsin man accused of placing photos of his
genitalia on women's cars:
“That guys sounds pretty cocky … get it?”
3. On Mexican police discovering that a passenger on a
motorcycle involved in an accident in the rough
Mexican border city of Tijuana was a corpse
which the driver had been carrying through the city
strapped to his back:
“Sounds like a REALLY tough city if people are riding around with corpses strapped to their backs.”
4. On pet owners in California seeking grooming for
their rats:
“When my pet rat Stinky travels through the sewer system, drinking urine and eating turds, I want him to look his best.”
5. On police in Connecticut finding a man with 342
bras allegedly stolen from Victoria's Secret:
“Maybe he was just trying to make a giant sling shot…either that or he’s making a bra-hammock…or he’s just plain nuts.”
6. On a traffic officer in Australia issuing a parking
ticket on a car without noticing a dead driver slumped
at the wheel:
“Sir, there is no loitering on this street.”
7. On a new "illness known as "BlackBerry Thumb," a
catch-all phrase describing a repetitive stress injury
of the thumb as a result of overusing small gadget
keypads:
“I used to get major pains whilst playing Decathalon for the Atari – especially on the 1500 meter dash … and no, I don’t get any illnesses currently that could be described as “mushroom fingers,” or “chicken-chokitis.”
8. On the House easily approving a measure, nicknamed
the cheeseburger bill, to prevent people from suing
restaurants and food sellers for obesity-related
problems:“But what if a diet coke is ordered with a super-value meal?”
posted by Los @ 9:20 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
But for those of us who don't care about sports, it doesn't make it any easier for us to come back to work on Monday.
1. On Danish Researchers who are designing pillows that sing soldiers to sleep in Kosovo, Iraq and other hotspots:
My pillows would never sing me to sleep. Because they'd be singing Slayer, Ministry, and other aggression.
2. On a Wisconsin man accused of placing photos of his genitalia on women's cars: “That guys sounds pretty cocky … get it?”
You need help, Karl.
3. On Mexican police discovering that a passenger on a
motorcycle involved in an accident in the rough Mexican border city of Tijuana was a corpse which the driver had been carrying through the city strapped to his back:
“Sounds like a REALLY tough city if people are riding around with corpses strapped to their backs.”
Well, you gotta deliver dead people to the cemetaries somehow.
4. On pet owners in California seeking grooming fortheir rats:
“When my pet rat Stinky travels through the sewer system, drinking urine and eating turds, I want him to look his best.”
Hey! Rats want to look good too!
5. On police in Connecticut finding a man with 342 bras allegedly stolen from Victoria's Secret: “Maybe he was just trying to make a giant sling shot…either that or he’s making a bra-hammock…or he’s just plain nuts.”
Fetish! Fetish!
6. On a traffic officer in Australia issuing a parking ticket on a car without noticing a dead driver slumped at the wheel:
“Sir, there is no loitering on this street.”
Ahem, excuse me sir, being dead is no excuse for loitering. Move along now!
7. On a new "illness known as "BlackBerry Thumb," a catch-all phrase describing a repetitive stress injury of the thumb as a result of overusing small gadget
keypads: “I used to get major pains whilst playing Decathalon for the Atari – especially on the 1500 meter dash … and no, I don’t get any illnesses currently that could be described as “mushroom fingers,” or “chicken-chokitis.”
My thumbs tend to hurt after playing the PS2. Call of Duty mostly. My thumbs also hurt after hitting them with a hammer, lousy aim. Or when I'm attacked by rabid free-range weasels. And they bite my thumbs. So now I have rabid thumbs. They try to poke people. Violently, and they foam at the nail. It's creepy.
8. On the House easily approving a measure, nicknamed
the cheeseburger bill, to prevent people from suing restaurants and food sellers for obesity-related
problems:“But what if a diet coke is ordered with a super-value meal?”
It's about freaking time. If you lack self-discipline, don't blame it on other people.
1. On Danish Researchers who are designing pillows that
sing soldiers to sleep in Kosovo, Iraq and other
hotspots:
Do soldiers really need a pillow to sing them to sleep? Sleeping in a field somewhere, I would think they would just like a regualr pillow that was soft.
2. On a Wisconsin man accused of placing photos of his
genitalia on women's cars:
“That guys sounds pretty cocky … get it?”
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
3. On Mexican police discovering that a passenger on a
motorcycle involved in an accident in the rough
Mexican border city of Tijuana was a corpse
which the driver had been carrying through the city
strapped to his back:
It's for the new movie "Weekend at Bernie's 3... Tijuana Time!"
4. On pet owners in California seeking grooming for
their rats:
California is a stupid state in general.
5. On police in Connecticut finding a man with 342
bras allegedly stolen from Victoria's Secret:
Hey... 339 bras just wasn't enough, dammit!
6. On a traffic officer in Australia issuing a parking
ticket on a car without noticing a dead driver slumped
at the wheel:
Are you kidding? This happens in South Philly all the time.
7. On a new "illness known as "BlackBerry Thumb," a
catch-all phrase describing a repetitive stress injury
of the thumb as a result of overusing small gadget
keypads:
I remember Decatholon on Atari 2600. You had to move the joystick back and forth for about 4 minutes to get the guy to run and survive the 1500 meter. It hurt like hell on the wrist and hands. But it prepared me for much more worthwhile pursuits once puberty hit.
8. On the House easily approving a measure, nicknamed
the cheeseburger bill, to prevent people from suing
restaurants and food sellers for obesity-related
problems:
OK... I'm a fat guy so I can speak for this. I've eaten approximately 12,657 meals in my lifetime from the likes of McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, etc. There was a time in my life in my mid 20's not making a lot of money where I used to eat practically all three meals at a fast food joint when I was going to work overnights. And it put on a lot of the weight I am losing today (31 pounds as of today's weigh-in). I never once blamed the restaurants for my predicament. In fact, I now realize that places such as McDonalds actually have pretty healthy choices on the menu. You can go to these places and not suck down two big cheeseburgers and a large fries (which was a regular thing for me at oe time). You can go and order a fruit salad with a grilled chicken sandwich. We all have our own choices to make, and we make those choices everyday. While I do believe that some companies do make it a point to market the worse foods over the healthier ones, I actually think they've gotten a little better, especially McDonalds who has really good salads.
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