Topical Chat, October 3, 2005

Happy birthday to my dad, congratulations to PSU football, and thank you Phillies for a truly exciting (and surprising) season:

1. On Paris Hilton breaking off her engagement:
“This may have been the smartest thing that Paris has ever done … not that there are many other smart things she’s done to compare this to …”

2. On the city of Seattle considering banning lap dancing at strip joints:
“Strike the city of Seattle off as a place I’ll never visit.”

3. On a bar made from Arctic ice opening in London:
“There is still ice above the Arctic circle?”

4. On a British rower setting a record for the slowest-ever Atlantic crossing, coming ashore in southern England Friday, 124 days after leaving North America:
“What was he using for oars, toothpicks?”

5. On Japanese automakers who will be producing cars that don't have the characteristic fresh-from-the-showroom odor anymore:
“They’ve decided to replace the smell with soy sauce.”

6. On four colonoscopes, devices used to examine the human colon, being stolen from a hospital in Pittsburgh:
“Man, that really has to be a pain in the ass … get it?”

7. On 18 new entries into Webster’s Dictionary, including such words is flick, bikini wax and a brain freeze:
“I’m wondering if Roget’s dictionary will follow suit with these important additions.”

8. On a mayor of a town accusing Hallmark of producing offensive cards:
“Hallmark has to stay competitive somehow. In the past the only thing offensive about Hallmark was the sheer stupidity of the joke-writing for the cards.”