Topical Chat, October 21, 2005
Why is it that people drive 30 miles per hour slower when it drizzles? I hate that!
On a man who helped run a farm where people had sex with animals, being charged with trespassing:
“Shouldn’t the horse be charged with trespassing?”
On the World beard and mustache championships that were held in Berlin, Germany on October 1:
“That’s nothing compared to the Bearded Clam contest that is held ever week at the Playboy mansion.”
On a man in an Oklahoma City prison who requested that his jail time, which was originally 30 years, be upped to 33 years so it could match Larry Bird’s jersey number:
“Thank goodness he wasn’t a Gretzky fan.”
On a stay-at-home mom who lives in Indiana going on strike until her family gives her more help around the house:
“At least she’s not holding out for more pay and better benefits.”
On a poodle being diagnosed with narcolepsy in Idaho:
“I’m sorry to say your dog is dead….no wait, alive….no, dead….alive….dead….alive….”
On “Mr. Floatie,” an activist who dresses up as feces to decry the pumping of raw sewage into the waters of British Columbia, dropping out of the Mayoral race:
“If he won, at least he would fit the bill as far as mayors go.”
On Anheuser Busch pulling a “water” drinking game that was similar to Beer Pong off of it shelves because people were using beer instead:
“Shocking….I’m pretty sure it was never Anheuser Busch’s intention to have people use beer instead of water.”
On an Indiana jail finally getting funding for toilet paper:
“The convicts can finally stop using the ‘Harlem Hanky’ technique.”
posted by Los @ 9:19 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
Why is it that people drive 30 miles per hour slower when it drizzles? I hate that!
Um... because the roads are slippery, and it's been doing more than just drizzling today.
On a man who helped run a farm where people had sex with animals, being charged with trespassing:
He must have been giving the sex away for free, otherwise he'd have been charged with pimping.
On the World beard and mustache championships that were held in Berlin, Germany on October 1:
“That’s nothing compared to the Bearded Clam contest that is held ever week at the Playboy mansion.”
I think I could be a good judge of that contest.
On a man in an Oklahoma City prison who requested that his jail time, which was originally 30 years, be upped to 33 years so it could match Larry Bird’s jersey number:
He could have picked a Robert Parish jersey number instead... 00.
On a stay-at-home mom who lives in Indiana going on strike until her family gives her more help around the house:
Big freakin' whoop! This is news?
On a poodle being diagnosed with narcolepsy in Idaho:
People actually diagnose these things???
On “Mr. Floatie,” an activist who dresses up as feces to decry the pumping of raw sewage into the waters of British Columbia, dropping out of the Mayoral race:
I'm going to call you Mr. Floatie from now on.
On Anheuser Busch pulling a “water” drinking game that was similar to Beer Pong off of it shelves because people were using beer instead:
That's like the maker of Phillies Blunts pulling it's product because too many people are using them for pot.
On an Indiana jail finally getting funding for toilet paper:
Your hard earned tax dollars at work!
Why is it that people drive 30 miles per hour slower when it drizzles? I hate that!
Cause people are idiots and they need to be liquidated.
On a man who helped run a farm where people had sex with animals, being charged with trespassing:
“Shouldn’t the horse be charged with trespassing?”
This guy needs to be locked away, permanently.
On the World beard and mustache championships that were held in Berlin, Germany on October 1:
“That’s nothing compared to the Bearded Clam contest that is held ever week at the Playboy mansion.”
These guys are my heroes! Someday my goatee shall be amongst them! (Though I'd rather partake of that bearded clam contest... *holds hand out* Eh? eh?)
On a man in an Oklahoma City prison who requested that his jail time, which was originally 30 years, be upped to 33 years so it could match Larry Bird’s jersey number:
“Thank goodness he wasn’t a Gretzky fan.”
Idiot.
On a stay-at-home mom who lives in Indiana going on strike until her family gives her more help around the house:
“At least she’s not holding out for more pay and better benefits.”
Good for her! Get those lazy bastards off the couch and helping out! Slackers.
On a poodle being diagnosed with narcolepsy in Idaho:
“I’m sorry to say your dog is dead….no wait, alive….no, dead….alive….dead….alive….”
I would normally feel sorry for this dog, but poodles are French. Fucker.
On “Mr. Floatie,” an activist who dresses up as feces to decry the pumping of raw sewage into the waters of British Columbia, dropping out of the Mayoral race:
“If he won, at least he would fit the bill as far as mayors go.”
Sometimes I call my poos 'Mr. Floatie' then I wave bye-bye to Mr. Floatie as I flush him down the toilet.
On Anheuser Busch pulling a “water” drinking game that was similar to Beer Pong off of it shelves because people were using beer instead:
“Shocking….I’m pretty sure it was never Anheuser Busch’s intention to have people use beer instead of water.”
Anheuser Busch has shelves???
On an Indiana jail finally getting funding for toilet paper:
“The convicts can finally stop using the ‘Harlem Hanky’ technique.”
What? They don't know the 3-seashell method?
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