Topical Chat, 11/2/05
Nothing like seeing tons of Christmas decorations in department stores the day after Halloween. They may as well just keep ‘em up all year round.
1. On a study that reveals that mice actually sing a mating song:
“Yes, I believe the song they sing is ‘Friends in Low Places.’”
2. On a woman in a witch costume robbing a Washington bank:
“I had no idea Hillary had it in her.”
3. On an Arkansas woman who found a prom dress she made 33 years ago on the rack of a 2nd-hand store:
“And now she’s a senator in New York (wow, two digs on Hillary).”
4. On an electrocuted squirrel starting a grass fire in Mississippi:
“The best part is that the ‘roadkill’ is already cooked – it’s like fast food.”
5. On a woman getting a donkey for her 50tyh birthday in North Dakota:
“I thought she got this ‘ass’ already when she was married.”
6. On a Frenchman who was rescued after he had been trapped in a well for 5 days:
“Funny, how he came out of the well smelling better than when he fell in the well … oh well (get it?).”
7. On an Ohio man who opened up a dating service for farmers:
“Single, white male looking for dedicated horse.”
8. On research that the Navy is conducting for flushless urinals:
“Arent’ those called outhouses?”
posted by Los @ 8:58 AM
3 guys/gals who rule
3 Comments:
1. On a study that reveals that mice actually sing a mating song:
Maybe it's Nine Inch Nails... "I wanna fuck you like an animal"
2. On a woman in a witch costume robbing a Washington bank:
“I had no idea Hillary had it in her.”
BOOOOOOOOO!
3. On an Arkansas woman who found a prom dress she made 33 years ago on the rack of a 2nd-hand store:
“And now she’s a senator in New York (wow, two digs on Hillary).”
And neither one of them good jokes. If you want to dig on Hilary, at least call her a lesbian or something.
4. On an electrocuted squirrel starting a grass fire in Mississippi:
3 people in Mississippi had a good dinner that night.
5. On a woman getting a donkey for her 50th birthday in North Dakota:
John DeBella used to play a song on the Morning Zoo called "Donkey Dick". The lyrics went "If you ask him nicely, he'll give you a quick lick." I just thought about that song after that story.
6. On a Frenchman who was rescued after he had been trapped in a well for 5 days:
“Funny, how he came out of the well smelling better than when he fell in the well … oh well (get it?).”
You were good, until you had to throw in the "oh well". Part of the art of comedy is knowing when to let it go, and you couldn't do that. Shame!
7. On an Ohio man who opened up a dating service for farmers:
But that 50 year old woman already took the good donkey.
8. On research that the Navy is conducting for flushless urinals:
And they say the military doesn't do anything but fight wars. Finally something of use for us all.
1. I believe the song was originally sung by The Rodent Stones.
2. Witches need money too! Go, witch, go!
3. It's a small world.
4. Ew.
Look! a squirrel!
5. It was a joke gift right?
6. Meh, he thought he saw an invading army and jumped down the well.
7. "Single white male looking for a baaaaaa-rely legal sheep."
8. They're researching this? As in putting money into it?? Idiots.
I got plenty of comedic timing, Smokin'. Just because you d.j., does not make you a better comedian than I am. The fact that you responded that you were annoyed by my "oh well" comment at the end of the statement, shows me that adding that was worthwhile.
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