Topical Chat, December 2, 2005
Topical Chat, December 2, 2005
Another week closer to Christmas (or Chanukah, or Kwanzaa, or whatever celebration you may have – sorry Jehova’s Witnesses). Go Buffalos, Bruins, and Bulldogs!!!!
1. On the city of Miami considering tearing down the Orange Bowl:
“Can they make sure that they do this while Miami and Florida State are actually playing?”
2. On a high school football coach who got suspended for cheating – he moved the first down marker which enabled his team to win:
“He was immediately hired as an assistant coach by Bobby Bowden and the Florida State Seminoles.”
3. On an Indiana man who returned an 800-pound snowplow to equipment store, and apologized for stealing it:
“I’m guessing an 800-pound snowplow may be a little harder to conceal than, say cash or a diamond ring, or something like that.”
4. On the University of Pennsylvania dropping disciplinary charges against a student who posted photos of a naked couple having sex:
“I can see the marketing ads – ‘ U. of Penn –Sure, We’re Smart, but We Get Laid Too!.’”
5. On an unlucky bank robber who got $2,000 from a teller at a downtown bank but didn’t get far because a witness followed him out of the bank and blocked the way when he tried to escape in a taxi, and then the dye pack that the teller planted in the money exploded on him with two FBI agents nearby:
“He thinks he’s unlucky now. Wait until he gets poked by Bubba in the shower.”
6. On a suspicious bag found at the Philadelphia International Airport that caused a two-hour evacuation because it set off a alarm (bomb alarm), and was found to contain garlic paste:
“So, let me get this straight. Our bomb-detecting technology is so ‘advanced’ that it even detects garlic paste? Oh, I am so looking forward to flying again.”
7. On a charity chief in New York who was stealing money from the charity he runs to pay for beatings by a dominatrix:
“Friends immediately informed him that all he had to do was to walk down the streets of Harlem with Nazi gear on.”
8. On two women in California who filed a lawsuit against the Gorilla Foundation, near San Francisco, claiming they were fired after they refused to expose their breasts to the 33-year-old, 300-pound female gorilla named Koko who apparently has a nipple fetish:
“I really think these ladies need to loosen up some. What’s a little nipple among humans and primates? Plus, they could probably make a lot of money in the fetish industry. Think ahead, uptight ladies!!!!!”
posted by Los @ 9:28 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
1. On the city of Miami considering tearing down the Orange Bowl:
What, and tear down the place where Dan Marino won absolutely no rings? We can't have that.
2. On a high school football coach who got suspended for cheating – he moved the first down marker which enabled his team to win:
Ridley High School called. They want the guy's address and phone number to give him an offer.
3. On an Indiana man who returned an 800-pound snowplow to equipment store, and apologized for stealing it:
But think about it... better security exists around the cash or diamond ring. No one would have good security around a snowplow because no one would expect it to be stolen. Therefore it's an easier heist.
4. On the University of Pennsylvania dropping disciplinary charges against a student who posted photos of a naked couple having sex:
Another think to add to Smokin Steve's Safety List... don't boink next to a picture window, no matter what floor you're on.
5. On an unlucky bank robber who got $2,000 from a teller at a downtown bank but didn’t get far because a witness followed him out of the bank and blocked the way when he tried to escape in a taxi, and then the dye pack that the teller planted in the money exploded on him with two FBI agents nearby:
I thouhgt I had a bad day last Monday... yeesh.
6. On a suspicious bag found at the Philadelphia International Airport that caused a two-hour evacuation because it set off a alarm (bomb alarm), and was found to contain garlic paste:
Yeah, that's a bit weird. I liked Jeff's comment on the Linc's security. That really makes you think, huh?
7. On a charity chief in New York who was stealing money from the charity he runs to pay for beatings by a dominatrix:
I don't get it. If you're going to pay for it, why pay for pain? All you have to do is go into a biker bar and "accidentally" knock over a guy's Harley in the parking lot. You'll get the shit kicked out of you for free.
8. On two women in California who filed a lawsuit against the Gorilla Foundation, near San Francisco, claiming they were fired after they refused to expose their breasts to the 33-year-old, 300-pound female gorilla named Koko who apparently has a nipple fetish:
I have a nipple fetish too, and I can behave like a gorilla. Can I be locked up in a cage and have women flash me?
1. On the city of Miami considering tearing down the Orange Bowl:
What, and tear down the place where Dan Marino won absolutely no rings? We can't have that.
2. On a high school football coach who got suspended for cheating – he moved the first down marker which enabled his team to win:
Ridley High School called. They want the guy's address and phone number to give him an offer.
3. On an Indiana man who returned an 800-pound snowplow to equipment store, and apologized for stealing it:
But think about it... better security exists around the cash or diamond ring. No one would have good security around a snowplow because no one would expect it to be stolen. Therefore it's an easier heist.
4. On the University of Pennsylvania dropping disciplinary charges against a student who posted photos of a naked couple having sex:
Another think to add to Smokin Steve's Safety List... don't boink next to a picture window, no matter what floor you're on.
5. On an unlucky bank robber who got $2,000 from a teller at a downtown bank but didn’t get far because a witness followed him out of the bank and blocked the way when he tried to escape in a taxi, and then the dye pack that the teller planted in the money exploded on him with two FBI agents nearby:
I thouhgt I had a bad day last Monday... yeesh.
6. On a suspicious bag found at the Philadelphia International Airport that caused a two-hour evacuation because it set off a alarm (bomb alarm), and was found to contain garlic paste:
Yeah, that's a bit weird. I liked Jeff's comment on the Linc's security. That really makes you think, huh?
7. On a charity chief in New York who was stealing money from the charity he runs to pay for beatings by a dominatrix:
I don't get it. If you're going to pay for it, why pay for pain? All you have to do is go into a biker bar and "accidentally" knock over a guy's Harley in the parking lot. You'll get the shit kicked out of you for free.
8. On two women in California who filed a lawsuit against the Gorilla Foundation, near San Francisco, claiming they were fired after they refused to expose their breasts to the 33-year-old, 300-pound female gorilla named Koko who apparently has a nipple fetish:
I have a nipple fetish too, and I can behave like a gorilla. Can I be locked up in a cage and have women flash me?
Post a Comment
<< Home