Topical Chat, November 21, 2005

Short work -week, PSU wins … can life get any better? I SUBMIT THAT IT CANNOT!

1. On a Bosnian soccer ref who knocked out a player who didn’t agree with one of his calls:
“Of course, the player was at a disadvantage because soccer players can’t use their hands. On a related note, the Philadelphia Eagles have signed this referee to their practice squad.”

2. On the smelly 'Corpse Plant' at U.S. Botanic Garden attracting thousands of visitors:
“The Tuna Boat plant has attracted a large amount of sailors.”

3. On an elderly Savannah man on an oxygen tank scaring off would-be robbers with a rifle used to hunt squirrels:
“What is the nickname of these robbers, ‘The Scaredy Cat Bandits?’”

4. On GM announcing it is closing 9 North American plants:
“I want to preface this by saying I really hope GM is turning a corner. However, I’ve seen their cars, and test-drove two of them. There is no creativity whatsoever in the designs of these boxes. If GM really wants to improve, they need to stop putting out the ‘same-ol’ , same-ol’” and focus on something that people actually WANT to drive. Also, maybe more of a direction on hybrids or fuel economy might be nice.”

5. On a Kentucky student who was accused of urinating in the school ice machine being suspended for 10 days:
“If the school had any balls at all, they would’ve made him eat the ice as well.”

6. On state liquor authorities banning the sale of Everclear 190-proof grain alcohol in West Virginia:
“So, let me get this straight, a state that looks the other way when brothers and sisters get married is taking a stand on Everclear??? Also, it’s going to be really tough for these students to get Everclear, especially the ones with cars, and the ones with internet access.”

7. On Subway (the hoagie place) threatening a lawsuit against a company called Steakway:
“Subway threatened to turn Jarred back into Jaba-the-Hut and have him sit on the CEO of Steakway if he didn’t agree to change the name.”

8. On a couple in Wisconsin who were randomly assigned the license plate ‘666-KEN:’
“Yeah, that’s about as random as the referees that were assigned to the Penn State vs. Michigan game back in October. They had to have pissed somebody off at the DMV. Let this be a lesson to all.”