Topical Chat, November 18, 2005
This could be the biggest college football game for Penn State in a decade … that is, if they beat Michigan State, of course. Hopefully, USC tumbles against Fresno State, and Miami finds a way to lose against GT. Or, if those things don’t happen, maybe we can play Notre Dame in a bowl game and beat those stinkin’ Irish!
1. On Lisa Loeb looking for a mate on a new reality TV show:
“Great. Apparently, annoying songs wasn’t enough for her. Now, she has to make annoying TV shows. What’s next, annoying oral hygiene products?”
2. On a school superintendent who was arrested for allegedly placing a hidden video camera resembling an air freshener dispenser in a women's bathroom at the school administration office:
“At least he didn’t place cameras resembling urinal cakes in the men’s bathrooms.”
3. On an Idaho developer who is threatening to park a pig farm on the site after the local commission denies his rezoning request:
“Hey, it could’ve been worse. He could’ve threatened to move Neverland Ranch to his site.”
4. On a Japanese stork that had its beak snapped off in an accident getting a prosthetic beak:
“This stork is apparently in demand at many strip joints now, thanks to the beak that is curiously shaped like a phallus.”
5. On a California man shocking his mother with a phone call, a day after he was reported dead:
“First, another California story … shocking. Second, thank goodness the mom was shocked and not disappointed.”
6. On a Greek court sentencing a man to 15 months in prison for smoking on a plane, and then hitting a male flight attendant who told him to put his cigarette out:
“I guess he thought that pilots were above the law…”
7. On PA Pastor who says he will camp on church roof until he collects 500 turkeys for needy families:
“You should hear what the Catholic priests are threatening to do if 500 turkeys aren’t collected.”
8. On a man in Albany, New York, who was jailed for sighing in court:
“He had the man who sneezed in court sentenced to death.”
posted by Los @ 9:42 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
You got a problem with Irish folk, you bastard????
1. How about annoying ways to get noticed by a public that doesn't give a rat's ass about her music?
2. "Oooo, I gotta use the air freshener and clear up some of this nasty air.... hey, the freshener doesn't work... hey, why did it make a click and whirring sound??"
3. Park a pig farm?? What is it a mobile pig farm? Strange choice of words.
4. Aw... poor stork. I'm glad people tried to help it.
5. That poor lady must have been really sad than really terrified. Talk about using up a week's worth of emotions in 2 days.
6. Smoking doesn't pay, bitches!
7. Mmmmmmm... turkey.
8. I hear the man scratched his head because of an itch got his hand cut off.
1. On Lisa Loeb looking for a mate on a new reality TV show:
I always thought she was kinda hot myself.
2. On a school superintendent who was arrested for allegedly placing a hidden video camera resembling an air freshener dispenser in a women's bathroom at the school administration office:
Did he let the boys in the A/V club monitor it at least? It could have doubled as sex education.
3. On an Idaho developer who is threatening to park a pig farm on the site after the local commission denies his rezoning request:
That's nothing. I parked a pig farm once n Glenolden just because I liked bacon.
4. On a Japanese stork that had its beak snapped off in an accident getting a prosthetic beak:
I wonder who paid for the surgery. Did the stork have health insurance?
5. On a California man shocking his mother with a phone call, a day after he was reported dead:
"How dare you be alive after I heard you were dead??? You rotten bastard!"
6. On a Greek court sentencing a man to 15 months in prison for smoking on a plane, and then hitting a male flight attendant who told him to put his cigarette out:
True story... I was on a plane to Florida earlier this year, and some teenage blonde bimbo traveling alone tried to light a cigarette in the bathroom before we took off. I saw this bimbo in the ramp leading up to the plane whining about something to her daddy on her cell phone. She was one of those teenage girls who looked like she could pass for 22, had a killer body, but talked like she was 16. Whily little daddy's girl, she was. They caught her and escorted her cute little ass off the plane, then they had to delay the flight to inspect the bathroom. The flight attendant told me that it was a mandatory $10,000 federal fine to do that. Can you imagine calling up daddy after that one? "Daddy, you have to pay $10,000 because I couldn't wait two hours for my next smoke." Damndest thing I ever saw.
7. On PA Pastor who says he will camp on church roof until he collects 500 turkeys for needy families:
Actually, the Catholic priests are camping out to collect 500 altar boys. HEYYY-OHHHH!
8. On a man in Albany, New York, who was jailed for sighing in court:
I wonder what he did to the guy who farted in court?
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