Topical Chat, November 16, 2005

71 degrees in November????? I might have to break out the suntan lotion and head for the beach!

1. On Jones Soda, the maker of turkey-flavored soda, marketing a new flavored soda – Salmon:
“Maybe the SNL crew had it right in the 1970’s with their ‘Bass-o-matic’ invention.”

2. On a 280-pound pig, bound for the slaughterhouse in Maine, that made break for freedom by escaping from a truck, but was finally captured ½ hour later:
“Man, I want to move to Maine, because it sounds like there are a lot of really newsworthy events taking place there.”

3. On a California woman who plans to marry the man who shot her and held her hostage:
“I keep joking about it, but seriously – what the hell is in the water in California? This woman should probably be put down … which will probably happen anyway if she marries this guy.”

4. On an Australian food agency that is trying to quell fears about the meat it is selling that glows in the dark:
“I’d like to see the steps that this company takes to quell those fears. ‘The meat is glowing because it is extra-nutritional … yeah, that’s the ticket.’”

5. On a sparrow that knocked over 23,000 dominoes (that were part of an attempt to break the record for falling dominoes) in the Netherlands yesterday, before it was shot and killed by an exterminator.
“O.K., maybe this was a sign from God to possibly encourage them to get a life.”

6. On a cop in Indiana who may lose his job because he dressed as a woman:
“’You are under arrest. Please put your hands up and get out of the car, or else I will hit you repeatedly with my purse.’”

7. On an alleged burglar in Minnesota who tried to hide in the oven to escape from cops:
“Funny how life sometimes imitates art. Wasn’t this the premise of a Bugs Bunny cartoon?”

8. On a 37-year-old Georgia woman who has been charged with child molestation for allegedly having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old boy whom she married last week.
“I remember when I was 15. Sure, I wanted to have sex. If it was with an older woman, all the better. However, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t looking for marriage at that point.”