Topical Chat, November 30, 2005
Topical Chat, November 29, 2005
It is late November, and the Phillies are still dominating headlines in this city – who would’ve thunk it? Gillick (the new GM) made a nice (and necessary) move, trading Thome to Chicago for their center fielder, and two decent pitching prospects. We didn’t get Wagner back, but I’m o.k. with that – I think his asking price was far too high (let’s see what Gillick does to replace him).
1. On the death of Pat “Mr. Myagi” Morita:
“Looks like the great Myagi has finally ‘waxed off’ for good. I’m guessing he will be remembered for his Karate Kid movies and not for his Happy Days role.”
2. On the devastating news that Jessica Simpson and her husband Nick Lachey are breaking up:
“Seriously, at this point, what is Nick Lachey going to do? He was originally part of a really bad boy band (I know, sounds like a double-negative), and he only became popular after marrying Jessica (who is retarded, by the way). How long will it take before Nick is on the Surreal Life?”
3. On the death of the creator of the Berenstein Bears:
I heard that he has written nearly 200 children’s books. What a gig. I’m wondering if these books were too intelligent for Nick and Jessica.”
4. On a former fingernail designer being accused of deliberately putting his hands beneath a passing train so his fingers would be severed and he could collect on a $1.17 million) insurance policy:
“I guess you gotta really hand it to him … Looks like this guy finally got fingered … The cops luckily nailed him… oh, I’m hot today.”
5. On a Wisconsin Judge who is making those caught urinating in public write signed letters of apology that are published in local newspapers:
“You should see what he is making those caught fornicating in public do.”
6. On a 13-year-old boy who stole a Mesa Police cruiser Monday night and took it on a joyride, then called police on a cell phone he found inside and was talked into surrendering:
“After the phone call, he locked himself in the back seat.”
7. On a 40-foot motor home being used as a mobile strip club at a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game:
“Now this is what I’m talking about. Why do the cops always have to stifle such wonderful creativity???”
8. On a Pennsylvania farmer who paints his animals bright orange to make sure hunters don't mistake them for deer:
“Unfortunately, the pumpkin pie tastes like chicken now.”
posted by Los @ 9:39 AM
1 guys/gals who rule
1 Comments:
1. On the death of Pat “Mr. Myagi” Morita:
To think he was up for an Academy Award for the first Karate Kid. He certainly made the movie better than Ralph Macchio ever did. Any kid could have played Daniel San, but who could have played Mr. Myagi?
2. On the devastating news that Jessica Simpson and her husband Nick Lachey are breaking up:
My guess is that Jessica sucked in bed, and not literally.
3. On the death of the creator of the Berenstein Bears:
I heard that he has written nearly 200 children’s books. What a gig. I’m wondering if these books were too intelligent for Nick and Jessica.”
Definitely too intelligent for Jessica. I hear Nick has made it up to the Hardy Boys series.
4. On a former fingernail designer being accused of deliberately putting his hands beneath a passing train so his fingers would be severed and he could collect on a $1.17 million) insurance policy:
Yes, Allstate, my hands were accidentally under the moving train. Nope, totally by accident. Why would I do that on purpose?
5. On a Wisconsin Judge who is making those caught urinating in public write signed letters of apology that are published in local newspapers:
Shit, I'd have to write 20 letters this year alone.
6. On a 13-year-old boy who stole a Mesa Police cruiser Monday night and took it on a joyride, then called police on a cell phone he found inside and was talked into surrendering:
He drove so well, that Mesa Police are offering him the job of Sergeant.
7. On a 40-foot motor home being used as a mobile strip club at a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game:
This is why I love Tampa so much. They have their priorities in line.
8. On a Pennsylvania farmer who paints his animals bright orange to make sure hunters don't mistake them for deer:
I think I could tell the difference between a deer and a cow. Are hunters all stupid?
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