Topical Chat, December 7, 2005

It’s tough to get out of bed on brisk mornings like this. We had our first significant snow fall of the year already, and a second one might hit us on Friday … AND IT’S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET!!!!!!!!

1. On a woman who thought a block of cheese was cocaine being charged with trying to hire a hit man:
“In a related story, a woman was arrested for mistaking a cop for a hit man.”

2. On five deer that leapt to their deaths from the top of a garage in West Virginia:
“I guess somebody broke the news to them that they were living in West Virginia.”

3. On a New York man who was jailed after allegedly biting the head off of a gecko as part of a bet:
“I guess somebody bet him that his car insurance was lower.”

4. On Jeb Bush being 'honored' that Castro referred to him as the President's 'fat little brother:'
“If he is honored by those kinds of statements, I wonder what one would have to say to really offend him – maybe call him a spineless liberal?”

5. On an off-duty Virginia officer, who was shopping for ferret food, helping to thwart a Birdnapping:
“In a bird napping, does the bird napper actually leave some sort of ransom note, and if so, what does he ask for? ‘Gimme 20 pounds of bird seed or the cockatoo gets it!’”

6. On a pizza delivery man in Oslo who delivered pizza to a customer who paid for it with the pizza delivery man’s stolen credit card:
“I’m telling you, these Domino’s and Pizza Hut promotions are going overboard now.”

7. On a Black Bear who decided to hibernate under the porch of a home in PA where four children live:
“Seriously, I heard the mom say that the family only uses the back door now … wow, they seem to be taking every precaution necessary.”

8. On a Danish taxi driver who bit off a customer's fingertip during a brawl over how many could fit in the cab:
“I guess the ‘customer’ said that the same amount of people as the fingers on his one hand could fit in the cab, and the cab driver ‘agreed’ after he bit one of those said fingers off.”