Topical Chat, December 14, 2005

Topical Chat, December 14, 2005

I contemplated not doing one of these, because I thought I might not get the readership I normally get, thanks to the release of the new King Kong movie. I did it anyway, because I'm a rebel.

1. On officials in a County in Iowa painting jail cells pink and boasting about the calming effects:
“I guess the ‘rusty trombones’ didn’t work.”

2. On the same Oklahoma Pick-3 lottery numbers coming up two nights in a row:
“If you think that’s odd, you should’ve seen the uproar that occurred during the ‘rocks, papers, scissors’ drawing, when scissors came up 3 times in a row.”

3. On a pregnant skydiver who survived after landing face-first then the parachute failed to open properly:
“Unfortunately, she gave birth to a baby accordion.”

4. On fourteen senior citizens deciding to bare a little skin, all in the name of fundraising for a calendar:
“The calendar is actually a Shar Pei calendar.”

5. On a couple that got married mid-marathon:
“The toughest part was trying to find a priest that was in good enough shape to run a marathon.”

6. On a University of Illinois calendar that features brain scans:
“Now they’re using their heads!”

7. On a gift shop in a Las Vegas coroner’s office:
“One can buy a slain loved-one a shirt that says ‘Lucky’ here.”

8. On a cat that was rescued after being stuck in a tree for 5 days:
“That must’ve been one ‘scaredy cat.’”