Topical Chat, January 18, 2006
Another great day of bad weather and even worse traffic. I was so fed up with this that I am going to do a rant on my Plethora blog (so please, check that out too).
1. On a woman who snuck into the North American International Auto Show after closing time to pose naked atop the new Dodge Challenger:
“Something like this might actually get me to go to an auto show.”
2. On a pair of recent University of Michigan graduates winning the national beer pong tournament:
“Two things. First, finally Michigan will be known for something ‘positive.’ Second, I wasn’t aware of a national beer pong tournament – does it include a free liver transplant?”
3. On a man who got his corvette back after it was stolen … 37 years ago:
“Thank goodness….it should be returned in time for his mid-life crisis.”
4. On a woman in Idaho who lost her wallet 56 years ago having it returned to her after it was found behind a movie theatre concession stand that was being cleaned:
“It’s good to see that the movie theatre does a thorough cleaning once every 50 years.”
5. On a man who has received a $500,000 federal grant to mass produce his invention, a machine that removes the odor from hog manure:
“He is contemplating using this technology to get rid of the foul odor in the U.S. government as well.”
6. On a cartoonist who drew a caricature to help nab a thief in Australia:
“And to think his mamma told him this skill would never amount to anything.”
7. On a lady in Maine who has the largest collection of owl memorabilia (18,000 pieces):
“I can’t wait to see the person who lets her know that her life was a total waste. At least she’s having a hoot with this hobby … get it?”
8. On a 100-year-old man tying the knot in Tennessee:
“On the honeymoon, the man will consummate the marriage by crapping his pants.”
posted by Los @ 9:40 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
Evil monkey!
1. I second that thought, Karl!
2. Grand prize is a subscription to A.A. magazine.
3. And the cop said, "I'll get your car back to you if it takes me 37 years!" And it did.
4. This popcorn tastes like it's from the 1950's!! Oh wait, it is.
5. What a wate of money. Shit stinks, deal with it.
6. "Yes, officer, the thief's head was 5 times as big as his body."
7. I like owls, but not that much.
8. You're my boy, Blue!
1. But was it a woman we would want to see naked? They don't mention that part.
2. I'm guessing the local AA meeting wasn't held anywhere near that tournament.
3. I waited 26 days for my car to come back when it was stolen. After 37 years, I wouldn't want it back. Then again, it is a Corvette.
4. Can you imagine the butter stuck to that floor after 56 years? Yeesh! Oops, I mean "butter-flavored topping". (Can't call it butter anymore, cause it ain't really butter)
5. Does it work for other types of manure, or only hog manure? Does hog manure have a dfferent chemical composition than cow manure? We need $500,000 to study this?
6. You know, I wrote a joke for this, then I realized it was the exact same joke Ink and Stone wrote, with the exact same number in it. Shit!
7. Owls suck! At least the Temple ones do right now. The Hawk will never die!
8. I want to know if the man was able to dance at the wedding. I want to DJ a wedding for a 100 year old man someday and make him do the chicken dance. So far, my personal DJ record is an 80th wedding anniversary in Fall River, Massachusetts, and what a time we had. Polkas were abundant!
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