Topical Chat, February 1, 2006

One more day until Groundhog Day! Any bets on 6 more weeks?

1. On a man who was stopped in Tennessee for driving erratically on a divided highway being distracted because he was looking at pornography:
“I’d like to know what kind of porn he was looking at, that he couldn’t wait until he got home … on second thought, the guy is from Tennessee, never mind.”

2. On a Utah man who reported his marijuana stolen being arrested when he showed up to identify it:
“How did he identify it was his, by smoking it?”

3. On a PA antiques dealer getting his wallet back after losing it nearly 40 years ago at a gas station in Utah:
“He immediately put it up for sale in his store.”

4. On a married couple who pleaded no contest to charges they ran a brothel across the street from a police station in California:
“Talking about vain, why not ask if you can rent out a cell of the police station?”

5. On thieves stealing dozens of hefty manhole covers and sewer grates in Indianapolis in the last few days:
“In the hopes that Peyton Manning and his family would hit one of the sewer holes.”

6. On a pastor in California, who is accused of selling the town's oldest church, pleading guilty to embezzlement, agreeing to 18 months in prison:
“Thank goodness the lord forgives our sins, eh padre?”

7. On animal carcasses and parts that were dumped on the Riverview Expressway giving motorists a smelly rush-hour detour:
“Hey, this smells worse than our cheese and our beer!”

8. On visitor to a British museum who tripped on his shoelace, stumbled down a stairway and fell into a display of centuries-old Chinese vases, shattering them:
“This is why I hate going to museums – because I’m a wee bit clumsy …but, my question is why these Chinese vases where not protected in some sort of case?”