Topical Chat, March 6, 2006

It’s supposed to be 70 degrees this weekend - good to get the crappy days out of the way early this week.

1. On residents of one Hartford neighborhood hoping that classical music (Beethoven and Mozart) will help drive drug dealers and prostitutes out of a local park:
“Ah yes, I can see it now – ‘Help Mozart take a bite out of crime.’”

2. On a mistake at Social Security leaving an Ohio man struggling to prove he's really not dead:
“Because of the financial struggles that Social Security is having, it is now estimated that close to 40% of people living in the U.S. are actually dead.”

3. On a girl in Kentucky who sued the school she was attending for not allowing her to go to the prom in a confederate prom dress:
“The school said that they would, however let her take her uncle-daddy to the prom.”

4. On a professor resigning after allegedly showing a class a video of a man having sex with a pig:
“I’m pretty sure everybody has already seen the Paris Hilton tape.”

5. On a cop in Michigan who moonlights as a stand-up comedian at night, winning the World’s Funnies Cop at a police conference:
“Does anybody really want to be known as the World’s Funniest Cop? Does the cop go into a standup routine when he pulls cars over? I need to know!”

6. On a Scottish distillery that is planning to release a 184-proof whiskey”
“I knew they wore kilts for a reason.”

7. On the movie Crash surprisingly winning best picture award at the Oscars last night:
“I had no idea there were more gay cowboys in Crash than in Brokeback Mountain.”

8.On the fight in the state of Washington over the state vegetable (between sweet onion and the potato):
“I predict that the potato will get ‘squashed!’”