Topical Chat, March 23, 2006
I had a bout with some sort of stomach virus or mild food poisoning earlier this week, and it culminated in a constant stream of liquid shooting out of my ass yesterday (oh yeah, sorry about not posting).
1. On a Dutch family who was given a bill for $97 dog tax; because lawmakers mistook their barking doorbell for a dog:
“A tax report is expected later in the wake for the S&M couple down the street.”
2. On the Florida prison system hiring a ringer to win a softball tournament:
“The ringer is expected to play for the other side next year.”
3. On a bogus traditional healer who persuaded a businesswoman to hire "mermaids" and accommodate them in a Harare hotel to help find a stolen car being convicted of theft by false pretenses:
“No word on whether or not the businesswoman will be arrested for being a complete imbecile.”
4. On Pittsburgh police who were hunting for someone who they thought was a sniper, but turned out to be a pigeon shooter with a pellet gun:
“The pigeon hunter is expected to be sworn in as mayor next week.”
5. On a high school senior from St. Louis who was recently crowned the best grocery bagger in the country after a competition in Las Vegas:
“He won a lifetime supply of brown bags.”
6. On a guy in Tampa who doubted whether he was being sold actual crack cocaine and approached two uniformed officers, allegedly asking them to test his crack pipe so he could be sure:
“The cops took Mayor Dinkens back to D.C.”
7. On a U.S. soldier who was deemed by the U.S. Postal Service as unfit to carry mail (even though he was deemed fit for combat duty by the military):
“They were afraid that he would increase the ‘efficiency’ of the post office.”
8. On a Pizza place in Pittsburgh that offers a 3-foot by 4.5 foot pie with 150 slices (for $99):
“Toppings are applied by a dump truck.”
posted by Los @ 10:34 AM
4 guys/gals who rule
4 Comments:
1. I take it that when they delivered the bill, they didn't ring the doorbell first.
2. If you're a ringer in softball, then there's a problem in your life.
3. I bet the businesswoman owns the deed to the Brooklyn Bridge too.
4. Pigeon... the other white meat!
5. He then went out for a night on the town, and didn't get laid because of it.
6. I can't top your joke.
7. It's so much tougher carrying mail than it is sweeping a minefield after all.
8. But do they put little cheesy bites around the outside like Pizza Hut does? Guess not.
Better than a stream on liquid shooting in your ass...
1) If they had that tax here, I'd get taxed thanks to my freaking dog
2) That's a good idea, cheat to win at friggin' softball
3) I want to hire a wizard to bless my plate mail armor.
4) With pigeon's as his cabinet?
5) I actually had a friend that won one of those competions, I forget what he won, but it was decent..
6) Wasn't it Marion Barry?
7) So they hired Wayne Knight to take his spot?
8) I don't think it's fun or funny to have two Pittsburgh stories in one post, you'll have to do better next time.
On a side note does anyone even read the comments posted on your comments?
I do - I think some of the "regulars" who respond are quite witty.
Am I witty, quite witty, or a dweeb?
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