Topical Chat, August 31, 2005
I'm a little tired today - had my fantasy football draft last night. But, I couldn't let you guys (both of you) down:
1. On the ordinance passed in Amhurst, NH, that geese must be prohibited from crossing roads:
"It is good to see politicians here and elsewhere willing to tackle issues as serious as this particular one. I hope they will soon look into ordinances that will prevent fish from swimming in streams."
2. On a jellyfish causing a Swedish nuclear reactor to shut down:
"This sounds like the makings of a new comic book hero/villian."
3. On an ostrich that got loose on the Golden Gate Bridge:
"Normally, I would wonder how this could happen, but after taking into account the location of the incident, I'd rather not know."
4. On a study that found that Spaniards hate back to work blues after vacations:
"These scientific studies are really cutting-edge. I don't want to sound like a visionary, but I bet that if you studied British people, Germans, Americans, and yes, even the French (those that do work), you will probably come up with the same conclusion."
5. On a house in London that measures 5 feet wide at its skinniest, and 9 feet, 11 inches wide at its widest, selling for $933,868:
"I'm sure the movers will have no trouble getting furniture into such a vast dwelling."
6. On the people in New Orleans who decided to ride out the storm (the ones who could've either evacuated or gone to the Superdome, but didn't):
"Touchy subject. First, my prayers go out to the people who either lost large finances and/or their lives in this horrific event. Nobody wants to leave all of their worldly posessions, so quite a few people tried to protect them. The problem is that with a storm this large, it is sometimes better to protect your life (never an easy call - I'm glad that I haven't been in this position yet). However, for those morons that decided to ride out the storm and have 'hurricane parties,' I hope that this lesson got through your dense skulls (for those of you who were lucky enough to survive."
7. On the haiy back contest that took place at a minor league baseball game in Virginia:
"This must've attracted large crowds. Who wouldn't want to go to the ballpark to watch a baseball game AND get to see a bunch of hairy backs? The marketing guy can probably expect bigger and better things in the future."
8. On a birthday prank in which a man asked his daughter to hand a letter to a bank teller - the letter ended up being a hold-up letter:
"That's nothing. You should've seen the birthday party he had set up at the local strip joint. 'Honey, I got you your own stripper pole! You will make Uncle Daddy so proud one day!'"
posted by Los @ 8:42 AM
4 guys/gals who rule
4 Comments:
4. On a study that found that Spaniards hate back to work blues after vacations:
Spaniards are a bitch to sink! 'F' the Spaniards.
1. "Don't forget prohibiting birds from flying!"
2. "Hmmm... a nuclear jellyfish, hundreds of feet high, and bent on the destruction of Sweden! I think we found the new godzilla."
3. "Hey, they were goats running around on the PA Turnpike the other day.... imagine that."
4. "We all need permanent vacations."
5. "What? Is it built out of gold bricks to be selling for that much?"
6. "I feel sorry for these people, and I hope the survivors can somehow rebuild their lives.
BUT, when you live in an area that is hurricane-prone AND a couple of feet BELOW sea level... well, I guess you're just not the brightest bulbs in the chandalier."
7. "Ah, another reason for me to despise sports."
8. "That's Quagmire!"
(I got nothing.)
To reverse:
Use grapeshot and then board them!
1. On the ordinance passed in Amhurst, NH, that geese must be prohibited from crossing roads:
I've been to NH. There really isn't that much to do besides look at pretty leaves in the fall. So this ordinance doesn't surprise me one bit. The cops have nothing better to do for the most part up there.
2. On a jellyfish causing a Swedish nuclear reactor to shut down:
Kal... do the jellybeans bite?
3. On an ostrich that got loose on the Golden Gate Bridge:
My favorite is when moose get loose up in New England and cause traffic jams.
4. On a study that found that Spaniards hate back to work blues after vacations:
This just in... a study has just been released that says French people don't bathe much.
5. On a house in London that measures 5 feet wide at its skinniest, and 9 feet, 11 inches wide at its widest, selling for $933,868:
That's crazy. I wouldn't have offered anymore than $914,253 for that house.
6. On the people in New Orleans who decided to ride out the storm (the ones who could've either evacuated or gone to the Superdome, but didn't):
The hurricane parties look a little stupid now that conditions are worse and New Orleans is about to become a ghost town. Can you believe they have to move those people from the Superdome to the Astrodome in Houston now? That's unreal.
I'm just happy my cousin made it out of there and is now in safety in Texas. He lives right near the French Quarter. Who knows what he will eventually return to, or when he will get to return?
And if anyone reads this that can donate, please donate to the Red Cross Hurricane Relief fund when you can.
7. On the haiy back contest that took place at a minor league baseball game in Virginia:
Thankfully I would have lost. I've been fortunate to have a minimum of back hair.
8. On a birthday prank in which a man asked his daughter to hand a letter to a bank teller - the letter ended up being a hold-up letter:
You know what Karl, I can't top your joke on that. Uncle Daddy... classic! I spit coffee out my nose on that one.
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