Topical Chat, Monday, August 15, 2005
We are rapidly approaching the best time of the year for sports fans - college and pro football starting, baseball winding down to the World Series, and the starts of both basketball and hockey seasons (not to mention fantasy football!!!!!):
1. On the new "Jerk-o-meter" which gauges whether someone is paying attention to you on the phone:
"Two thoughts. First, thank goodness this wasn't invented when I was in high school. Second, what was the inspiration behind this 'great invention.'"
2. On the "Marine of the Year" who shot at a noisy crowd in Massachusetts:
"I guess whoever gave this award out, probably gave Michael Jackson the 'Babysitter of the Year' award."
3. On some people who claimed to be losing weight on the McDonalds diet:
"I wonder if McDonalds will run with this news, and make commercials encouraging people to get on the McDonalds Diet."
4. On cops who want to bust ghost hunters in California:
"Why does the fact that this is happening in California not surprise me?"
5. On a man who was shot in the shoulder on two separate incidents on the same night:
"I think I would've called it a night after the first time."
6. On thousands of toads hopping into a small town in Montana:
"If you walked out in Montana with bare feet, and squished a toad, would you get 'toad-jam?'"
7. On the USOC forcing the Ferret Olympics to change its name:
"I, for one, am happy that the USOC has worked through all of the steroid scandals, so that they can focus on important issues like this one."
8. On a man who swallowed 100 pork buns in 12 minutes:
"Mr. Atkins is rolling over in his grave at this one."
posted by Los @ 9:12 AM
3 guys/gals who rule
3 Comments:
1. On the new "Jerk-o-meter" which gauges whether someone is paying attention to you on the phone:
I would have thought this device would have been more for how many times Karl jerks it in a month. Some months, he might break the meter.
2. On the "Marine of the Year" who shot at a noisy crowd in Massachusetts:
Marines in general are the craziest sons of bitches in the military. They have to be in order to survive in war. You can't be totally sane and go into the situations they go into. That's why I respect them for what they do. But at the same time, they tend to reward their guys for behavior that is not acceptable in the civilian world. That is why it doesn't surprise me that it was a Marine. The same behavior that caused him to do what he did is probably the same behavior that got his the award.
Sorry... didn't mean to get too serious there.
3. On some people who claimed to be losing weight on the McDonalds diet:
I'm sure they will run with it. I mean, there is a lot of healthy food at McDonalds. They have a lot of salads, and even a low fat dessert. It's just that I don't go there to get a salad. If I'm in McDonalds, I want one thing... McNuggets!
4. On cops who want to bust ghost hunters in California:
Why... is it not ghost hunting season yet?
5. On a man who was shot in the shoulder on two separate incidents on the same night:
I heard the story... it was by police after a domestic disturbance. What s funny is that he gets shot once, manages to get away from the cops, then returns home and gets confronted by another cop. Then he refuses to give in and that's where he gets the second shot. Some people deserve to get shot twice, and I think he did.
6. On thousands of toads hopping into a small town in Montana:
"If you walked out in Montana with bare feet, and squished a toad, would you get 'toad-jam?'"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
7. On the USOC forcing the Ferret Olympics to change its name:
Is it a matter of time until they go after the Special Olympics too?
8. On a man who swallowed 100 pork buns in 12 minutes:
That's amazing! I just tried it myself, and I could only do 98. My tummy hurts!
1. "Jerk-O-Meter" is now in the running for best new product name along with "The Wizzanator".
2. In the aftermath, a goverment investigation concluded that this marine that 'allegedly' shot at people was actually just yelling at them. All charges were dropped.
4. Uh-oh, bad news for the Ghostbusters...
5. Crazy story, I thought it would end up here after I read it this morning.
And I'm spent.
Hmmmmm... all those neat sportsy things happening and I still don't give a rat's ass!
1. I don't think I need a 'Jerk-o-meter' to know who a jerk is. I just think, "Hey, is this person as much as an a-hole as Karl?" If yes, then I know they're a jerk.
:)
2. I wonder what the jerk-o-meter would read for the marine.
3. [sarcasm]Yeah, I believe it.[/sarcasm]
4. Aw, paranormalists need to make a living too.
5. Wow, sucks to be him.
6. If thousands of Karls hopped into town, I would go rent a steam-roller.
Toadjam, indeed.
7. Yes, it should be Weasel Olympics!
Oh, Weaselheim! Unser Weaselheim!
8. Suddenly I have a craving for ribs. With Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce! Mmm-mmm-mmm!
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