Topical Chat, July 20, 2005

Nothing like 99-degree July weather to make one appreciate the benefits of air conditioning. I am a heavy sweater to begin with (I'm sure you needed that info), so when it is this warm, I feel like a sprinkler system:

1. On TIVO trying to encourage viewers to watch TV commercials:
"Ummmm.......isn't commercial avoidance one of the perks of getting TIVO in the first place?"

2. On the Acura Integra being the most stolen vehicle:
"Of course, the owners of these cars can easily afford new ones."

3. On a dog owner who feeds his dog a cheesburger and milkshake every day:
"That's nothing...you should see what the owner allows the dog to do at parties."

4. On Vietnam Commander Westmorland passing away:
"Honestly, I have nothing funny to say with this one. You don't hear many Vietnam jokes going around, and for good reason, I guess."

5. On Agent Drew Rosenhaus's "heroic" work in saving a drowning child:
"My guess is that he either drowned the child first and then saved it, or he gave the child a sum of money in order to 'play along.'

6. On dogs lobbying congress to put together a law that forces companies to make coolant and antifreeze bitter:
"I think I sense one glaring reason why our congress is so incompetent."

7. On Actor Colin Farrel suing a former girlfriend over a sex tape:
"These actors need to find better ways of generating publicity."

8. On the Robot World Cup of Soccer, currently taking place in Osaka, Japan:
"I heard that R2D2 has a mean left foot."