Topical Chat, July 8, 2005

A helluva week for "stupid" news. I was able to post 3 times in 4 days (I should get some sort of an award, or something like that). Anyway, enjoy your weekend (stay away, Monday!):

1. On President Bush colliding with a cop and falling off his bike in Scotland:
"Doesn't President Bush have people that can exercise for him?"

2. On a body of a Steelers fan being laid out on a recliner in front of a TV set playing Steelers highlights for his viewing:
"Certainly, this gentleman must've been a white-collar employee."

3. On Zsa Zsa Gabor suffering a stroke:
"I would like to congratulate Zsa Zsa for making headlines for the first time since her cameo in one of the Naked Gun movies."

4. On a man lighting himself on fire to propose to a woman:
"This is usually one of the things a man does to avoid proposing to a woman."

5. On David Lee Roth possibly replacing Howard Stern:
"I hear that Sammy Hagar may be Roth's replacement."

6. On baseball being voted out of the 2012 Olympics:
"Let me get this straight, baseball is voted out, but we still have table tennis?????"

7. On Pauly Shore's new show:
"I figure after the nuclear holocaust, all that will be left will be cockroaches and Pauly Shore."

8. On a couple found guilty of hiring a stripper for their son's 16th birthday party:
"Why were these parents arrested? They should've been given gift certificates to Bennigans or something."