Topical Chat, June 27, 2005
Did I ever mention that I'm not a big fan of Mondays? Hopefully these actual news stories will brighten your day:
1. On oil reaching $60 a barrell:
"All those proud owners of oversized SUV's and Hummer's must be thrilled by this news. I REALLY feel bad for them....NOT!
"
2. On the voice of Winnie the Pooh's Piglet passing away:
"Rumor has it that the new voice of Piglet will be Tom Cruise, to give Piglet more of a 'positive' aura. Poo is apparently pissed, as The Tao of Poo does not mesh well with Scientology."
3. On the 2005 Wimbledon tennis tournament:
"There was a time when I was actually interested in this. Now, I'd rather watch Arena Football."
4. On Disney applying Feng Shui to its Hong Kong theme park:
"If this is successful in Hong Kong, more snobs may be hired in the Disney theme parks in France in order to attract more customers."
5. On a boy's baseball team being kicked out of a leage for being too good:
"They are being replaced by the Phillies."
6. On a man swalling a friend's truck key as a prank:
"Apparently, he was just offered a book deal."
7. On new "plus-sized" parties for overweight men and women:
"Rumor has it that McDonalds and Burger King are sponsors."
8. On the one-night stand that apparently took place between JFK, Jr. and Princess Diana:
"Is this one of the signs of the apocolypse? Apparently, it was thwarted, as neither is alive anymore."
posted by Los @ 9:58 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
I despise Mondays too.
1. On oil reaching $60 a barrel:
"Hmmmmm, has there ever been a more blatant reason to switch to alternative fuel sources??? I tell you, pig shit and corn is the way of the future!"
2. On the voice of Winnie the Pooh's Piglet passing away:
"So can we use him for a petrol substitute?"
3. On the 2005 Wimbledon tennis tournament:
"I SO agree with jeff's landmine theory."
4. On Disney applying Feng Shui to its Hong Kong theme park:
"Only 1 child per family allowed in at a time.... all others will be shot."
5. On a boy's baseball team being kicked out of a leage for being too good:
"What? You're doing good so we punish you! WTF?"
6. On a man swalling a friend's truck key as a prank:
"The key to my heart is in your hands.... and the key to my truck is in your colon."
7. On new "plus-sized" parties for overweight men and women:
"More boundaries. :("
8. On the one-night stand that apparently took place between JFK, Jr. and Princess Diana:
"More celebrity crap that I couldn't give a flying frog's fat ass about."
1. $60 oil
The good news is that conservation/exploration of new fuels (ie pig shit) is driven not by good intentions, but the bottom line. This is actually a good thing, if the proper reaction is taken- more innovation, less SUVs.
2. Piglet and Tigger die in the same weekend. Must be a sign. What that is, I don't know. Ask a scientologist.
3. Wimbledon: I'd watch it - if I didn't have better things to do (I used to not have better things to do)
5. This is why I prefer the Eurpoean soccer leagues, where the crap teams get demoted and the good teams get promoted to the better leagues.
6. I can see it now:
Hick 1: 'heh- I done swallowed yer keys- you can't git home!'
Hick 2: 'you can't neither. you drove with me'
Hick 1: 'well shucks!'
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