Topical Chat, June 3, 2005

A topical chat the day before and the day after my birthday (thanks for all of you jerks who didn't wish me a happy birthday).

1. On the 49ers "training" video that has racist jokes and nudity in it:
"I think one of the scenes had Joe Montana in a bikini being fondled.....my how the mighty have fallen."

2. On the new "Trust" hormone being tested in Switzerland:
"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to fall into the hands of the wrong person?"

3. On comedian Gallagher hitting an audience member:
"I guess he finally realized that his normal act hasn't been getting any laughs for years, and he was trying a radical new approach?"

4. On Jason Giambi losing his Nike contract:
"He may be a perfect candidate for the advertising campaign for that new 'Trust' hormone."

5. On Deep Throat revealing himself:
"I think if my nickname was deep-throat, I'd probably never reveal my identity."

6. On the Laguna Beach landslide:
"Why do I get a warm, tingly feeling when rich people's homes collapse?"

7. On Neil Armstrong suing a barber for trying to sell his hair:
"I wonder if he said, 'Bang, Zoom, to the moon!' when he first heard about the barber's intentions."

8. On a restaurant that offers food in a minature toilet bowl:
"It looks like they are trying to eliminate the middle man."