Topical Chat, 5/5/2005
What a busy week of crazy stories! I might have more for you tomorrow (keep praying):
1. On Bob Barker being treated for skin cancer:
"There may be a point sometime soon when Rod Roddy or Johnnie Olsen yell out 'Bob Barker, come on up."
2. On the return of the Family Guy:
"Finally, some intelligent comedy on T.V."
3. On the story about the North Carolinian who found a finger in his custard:
"Quit playing with your food."
4. On the P.A. eatery offering a 15 pound hamburger:
"I wonder what their dessert menu includes, Pound Cake Mountain?"
5. On the 68th anniversary of the Hindenburg tragedy:
"Maybe this caused the Germans to put their nuclear-powered dirigible plans on hold."
6. On the California Highway Patrol creating a freeway shooting team:
"I wonder what the scoring system is?"
7. On the students at the University of Rhode Island being put on probation because they organized "The Penis Monologues" to combat "The Vagina Monologues."
"I long for the day that the Booby monologues comes out."
8. On the arguments in congress about social security:
"I guess they solved the steroid issue in sports."
posted by Los @ 12:01 PM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
1. On Bob Barker being treated for skin cancer:
That just sucks.
2. On the return of the Family Guy:
I missed the first Ep., damn me!
3. On the story about the North Carolinian who found a finger in his custard:
Hmmm, so we found one part of General Custard.
4. On the P.A. eatery offering a 15 pound hamburger:
Who says this country has a problem with cholesterol?
5. On the 68th anniversary of the Hindenburg tragedy:
Reenactment! Reenactment!
6. On the California Highway Patrol creating a freeway shooting team:
The players will be Erik Estrada and.... that other guy.
7. On the students at the University of Rhode Island being put on probation because they organized "The Penis Monologues" to combat "The Vagina Monologues.":
The day that I see genitalia talking is the day that I officially check into the looney bin. Monologue THIS.
8. On the arguments in congress about social security:
How about giving a choice of whether we want to contribute or not? The money that I put in to SS, I could easily put into a Roth IRA and be MUCH better at retirement than with any SS payments. Whatever happened to choice? It's my god-damned money, I should be able to invest it the way I want. But, OHHHH NOOOO, these black hearted politicians have to decide FOR in what I am forced to invest in. When the fuck did I ever agree to this. When I was born in Baltimore Memorial Hospital on that July day in 1973, was there some government fucking lackey sitting there in the delivery room with a paper that I signed, selling my soul to this backass government, and I didn't even know it? WTF? And taxes! When the fuck did I agree to pay taxes? Because I'm born here I automatically have to do what the government tells me? WTF? Kiss my ass you power-hungry, totalitarianist asshats.
Hmmmmmm....
Ifeel better now.
1. On Bob Barker's skin cancer:
About time they removed Adam Sandler's fist and various body parts of Price Is Right girls.
2. On the Family Guy:
I hear you don't like King of Queens.
3. On the finger in his custard:
Who said Wendy's doesn't recycle?
4. On the 15 pound hamburger:
Moo.
5. On the 68th anniversary of the Hindenburg tragedy:
Our government STILL holds a strategic helium reserve to keep Hitler from flying attack blimps. Your tax money at work.
6. On the CHP freeway shooting team:
They need a TEAM? Freeways are huge objects that don't move.
7. On "The Penis Monologues":
I pity the campus policeman who was ordered to seize the penis costume ("Testaclese"). As far as the spoof goes, I just wish I had thought of it first!
8. On congress and social security:
End this debate once and for all: add a voluntary "Tax Me More" line to the 1040. If politicians won't pay extra taxes, then they can't raise mine.
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