Topical Chat, June 29, 2005
Since this is a holiday weekend, I figured I'd get this chat out a day early. Enjoy, and have a happy 4th (don't blow your hands off with any fireworks.....unless I don't like you).
1. On a peeping tom being pulled out of a women's outhouse tank:
"Apparently this guy either does not have access to the internet, or really has unusual ways of getting off."
2. On a new milk supply threat study that is being published even though it could give terrorists new ideas:
"While we are at it, why not publish all of our country's defense secrets."
3. On President Putin stealing Robert Kraft's Super Bowl ring:
"To add insult to injury, now even President Putin has a Super Bowl ring....but the city of Philadelphia still doesn't.....ah, what a wonderful world."
4. On an Eminant Domain critic wanting Justice Souter's house seized and turned into a hotel:
"What's good for the goose is good for the judge....er gander."
5. On Backstreet Boy Nick Carter being ordered into alcohol rehab:
"Why stop there? Let's send him to a Russian Goulag for the crappy music he has made us endure."
6. On some 70 to 90-year-old bridge club women posing nude in a calendar to save a local court house:
"This is what they came up with to raise money to save a local court house?"
7. On a 646 pound catfish that was caught by Thai fishermen:
"I think I just hooked into a small country."
8. On professional eaters seeking endorsement deals and reality show TV fame:
"I definitely missed my calling."
posted by Los @ 8:18 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
4th of July.... yeah.... whatever. At least barbeque is nice.
1. On a peeping tom being pulled out of a women's outhouse tank:
"This guy has reached a level of fuckedupedness that I think most of us can only dream about. Or have nightmares, either or."
2. On a new milk supply threat study that is being published even though it could give terrorists new ideas:
"Doesn't bother me, I don't drink milk or use it in any of my cooking. So, screw you, terrorists!"
3. On President Putin stealing Robert Kraft's Super Bowl ring:
"Ya know Putin is sitting there in Moscow thinking to himself, 'I have their power ring! Finally, the motherland will be able to crush the american pigdogs!'"
4. On an Eminant Domain critic wanting Justice Souter's house seized and turned into a hotel:
"I have a new hero! FTG!"
5. On Backstreet Boy Nick Carter being ordered into alcohol rehab:
"Agreed. Better yet, let's strap him to a sea mine and float his ass out in the Strait of Gibralter (busy waterway)."
6. On some 70 to 90-year-old bridge club women posing nude in a calendar to save a local court house:
"Bye-bye courthouse."
7. On a 646 pound catfish that was caught by Thai fishermen:
"The idiots don't know the difference between 'catfish' and 'mutant'. Or 'monster'."
8. On professional eaters seeking endorsement deals and reality show TV fame:
"I eat alot and win contests! Gimme money!." "Screw you, fatty."
1. Hmm... the only person I can think of doing something like this is the one and only Glen Quagmire. Oh-lay!
2. That's like saying the government published a 'Dorito supply threat study.' Fortunately we know terrorists love doritos, so that supply should be safe.
3. In Soviet Russia, Super Bowl Rings steal YOU!!!
[with appologies to the dead horse]
4. I wish I could claim eminant domain on my neighbors. That would be an easy way to get more property. 'I'm sorry, I can put this block to better use than all of you jerks. Get out!'
6. Hmm... it looks like 1000 copies have already been sold... to one person... a Glen Quagmire. Giggity!
8. If we keep up this pace of endorsements for fake sports, it's only a matter of time before the WNBA gets an endorsement deal.
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