Topical Chat, August 22, 2005
It is always so easy to come back to work after 3-day weekend (dripping with sarcasm):
1. On Randy Moss admitting he used marijuana during his NFL tenure:
"I'm sure I speak for all of mankind when I say that I am shocked by this announcement. I'm almost as shocked as when I heard that Liberace was gay."
2. On the death of Mr. Mood, the father of the original synthesizer:
"I'm wondering who the mother was ... I mean, did he sleep with a piano that got struck by lightning?"
3. On the death of a San Francisco football player after a game:
"Shocking that it was an out-of-shape offensive lineman. I feel bad for the family, but the NFL really should expect more of this if they encourage players ballooning up to 350 pounds (and more)."
4. On Russian cows being fed marijuana:
"Could you imagine dipping those magic brownies into the milk?"
5. On the Rolling Stones kicking off their latest tour in Boston last night:
"Maybe some of these newer bands can learn something from the Stones that can help with their own longevity - like not sounding like every other band."
6. On WalMart charging a couple $175 for manure that they forgot to pay for:
"I'll get the cheap laugh out of the way - that's a bunch of bullcrap ... I know, not funny, but it is Monday. But, WalMart sells a lot of crap."
7. On Singapore hosting its first ever sex expo:
"I'm guessing they will be showing new caning techniques."
8. On a cops fighting with looters after a beer truck crashed in South Africa:
"Are they actually fighting over the beer?"
posted by Los @ 11:25 AM
3 guys/gals who rule
3 Comments:
1. Stop speaking for me, Karl.
2. Mr. Mood?? Mr. MOOD?!!!? It's MOOG you friggin' idiot! (though the joke is relatively funny...)
3. Buh bye 49er.
4. Hmmmmm, marijaumilkski????
5. Their set list does not contain Paint It Black. Sissies. (though I agree completely with ya Karl)
6. WalMart sells shit???? who woulda thunk it?
7. I was trying to think of joke involving the singapore sexexpo, SARS, and the bird Flu.... but it just ain't happening.
8. What? The cops never heard of Finder's Keppers?
Keepers! Dammit.
1. On Randy Moss admitting he used marijuana during his NFL tenure:
In more obvious news, TO will have a press conference saying he only plays for the money. George W Bush will go on the air tonight and tell America he never really thought about how he was going to get us out of Iraq in the first place. And Pam Anderson will be featured in a Barbara Walters interview saying she's had sex a lot of times in her life.
2. On the death of Mr. Mood, the father of the original synthesizer:
"I'm wondering who the mother was ... I mean, did he sleep with a piano that got struck by lightning?"
I won't boo you since it is Monday for that joke.
3. On the death of a San Francisco football player after a game:
On another note... I'm kinda worried about Tra Thomas being on the field with that blood clot after admitting he stopped his medication. I'm surprised no one else is talking about this. The NFL tends to push overweight guys very hard.
4. On Russian cows being fed marijuana:
The remainder of the story goes that after they were fed the marijuana, they were then fed Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Cool Ranch Doritos, Double Stuffed Oreo Cookies, and a gallon of Wawa Iced Tea.
5. On the Rolling Stones kicking off their latest tour in Boston last night:
And opening at Fenway Park as well... that would have been a dream concert for me. But October 12th is not far away.
6. On WalMart charging a couple $175 for manure that they forgot to pay for:
They then turned around and paid their employee $5.15 an hour to haul the manure out to the couple's car. And I'm sure they didn't pay the cow for manufacturing the manure in the first place.
7. On Singapore hosting its first ever sex expo:
"I'm guessing they will be showing new caning techniques."
That one gets a big HEYYYY-OHHHH!!!
8. On a cops fighting with looters after a beer truck crashed in South Africa:
I once reported on a beer truck crash on the Schuylkill Expressway in 1996. I got to go on the now defunct WDRE in the overnight hours and tell people not to have a raging kegger on the expressway. Good times!
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