Topical Chat, August 24, 2005
Hump Day ... Finally! For some reason, this week seems to be moving slower than an elderly person in a Cadillac. Hey-Yo! On to the news:
1. On Pat Robertson saying that the U.S. should assassinate Venezuala's Chavez:
"This man is rapidly becoming the U.S. Osama. Aren't these religious people supposed to rally for peace? Shouldn't this man take some lessons from Dr. King ... or maybe Jesus?"
2. On a nun's wild dancing at World Youth Day:
"Apparently, she was dancing because Pat Robertson didn't show up."
3. On a man in swim trunks ramming a truck into a courthouse:
"I'm not sure which offense is worse - driving a truck in speedos, or ramming that same truck into a courthouse. Was this guy French?"
4. On a man in the record books for eyebrow hair that is 3.78 inches long:
"Here is a record to be very proud of. Maybe he should have those eyebrows braided - that would look cool."
5. On the President of Turkmenistan banning lip synching:
"One thing is for sure - the Super Bowl won't be played in Turkmenistan anytime soon."
6. On a human cadaver exhibit breaking records for attendance in Tampa:
"Are we sure this is a cadaver exhibit and not a cemetary? After all, this 'exhibit' is taking place in a state that harbors the country's oldest people."
7. On an electric company worker in Georgia (former Soviet Union) who got his ear bitten off by angry customers:
"I wonder if this electric company is being run by the same company in California."
8. On the Dish Network offering free satellite T.V. to any town that renames itself "Dish:"
"That's nothing. You should ask the town of Preparation H what they got."
posted by Los @ 8:55 AM
4 guys/gals who rule
4 Comments:
Hei-no!
1. I advocate that we take all the religious zealots of the world, put them on a big ole island, and let them fight it out amongst themselves.
2. Dance, nun, dance!
3. Strange. I wonder what was going through that guy's head? "Hmmmm, that was an excellent swim at the local hole. Now what shall I do? Ah yes, I think I'll take my truck here and ram her into the courthouse in town! Huzzah!"
4. Are those eyebrows or are you growing shrubbery on your face?
5. Haha, Corporate Rock! Too bad we can't ban lip-syncing here.
6. I have nothing... so.... Marzipanzerkommand! Luftwaffles!
7. The customers must be taking lessons from Mike Tyson.
8. Don't forget Viagraville!
1. On Pat Robertson saying that the U.S. should assassinate Venezuala's Chavez:
Pat Robertson is a douchebag! Jerry Falwell sucks donkey ass!
Rick Santorum licks bull balls!
Gee... that was fun!
2. On a nun's wild dancing at World Youth Day:
"Apparently, she was dancing because Pat Robertson didn't show up."
HEYYYY-OHHHHH!!!
3. On a man in swim trunks ramming a truck into a courthouse:
Maybe he thought it was a drive through traffic court. I dunno.
4. On a man in the record books for eyebrow hair that is 3.78 inches long:
In a related note, his wife still refuses to kiss him after years of marriage claiming "it tickles".
5. On the President of Turkmenistan banning lip synching:
"One thing is for sure - the Super Bowl won't be played in Turkmenistan anytime soon."
And this just in... the president of Turkmenistan just banned Janet Jackson's tits!
6. On a human cadaver exhibit breaking records for attendance in Tampa:
Have you ever been to Tampa? Besides beaches and good shrimp, there's not much else to do for the locals. Then again, I could live my life surrounded by beaches and good shrimp and be happy.
7. On an electric company worker in Georgia (former Soviet Union) who got his ear bitten off by angry customers:
This is why I refuse to work in a complaint department.
8. On the Dish Network offering free satellite T.V. to any town that renames itself "Dish:"
"That's nothing. You should ask the town of Preparation H what they got."
HEYYYY-OHHHH!
I heard the town of Tampax got free... well, you know.
On Karl beginning EVERY news item he covers with the phrase "on..."
How 'bout the fat bastard invests in a thesaurus and tries the terms:
concerning...
about...
on the subject of...
on the topic of...
regarding...
relating to...
with reference to...
pertaining to...
just a suggestion to change up the boredom.
How about this is my blog, and this is the way I want to start each section. Also, how about quit hiding behind the "anonymous" tag, or is this the only way that you can provide such biting critiques?
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