Topical Chat, September 8, 2006

All I can say is, Fight on State, beat those Stinkin’ Irish!!!!!!!!

1. On a striptease that was held at an Australian government sponsored conference on global warming:
“Global warming??? Oh, I thought you were discussing penile warming.”

2. On three people being arrested by campus police after about 15 students at the University of California, Berkeley got sick from eating what apparently were marijuana-laced cookies:
“The problem was that they didn’t put enough in.”

3. On a South Korean amusement park that features an Elephant that can speak:
“Unfortunately, they can’t get the elephant to say anything else but, ‘Somebody, please put me out of my misery.’”

4. On a man who was found guilty of criminal damage after blood spilt from his slashed wrists ruined a carpet:
“How dare that man bleed on these expensive carpets! The man was later charged with breathing in rich people’s air.”

5. On fans of an Argentinian soccer now being able to buy cemetery plots in an area that is reserved just for them:
“Third world countries are sometimes so cute.”

6. On five parents who asked administrators to transfer their children out of Batavia High School classes with a transsexual teacher being denied the request:
“These parents would be the perfect replacement for Jim Bakker and the PTL club.”

7. On cell phones, complete with a charger and data chips, being found in the body cavities of four inmates at a maximum-security prison - they had used the phones to direct criminal activities on the street:
“Can you smell me now?”

8. On a death-row inmate who tried to kill himself, by overdosing on antidepressants, now complaining that the doctors who pumped his stomach to save him gave him a stomach ache:
“Hopefully, he won’t complain too much when the electricity going through his system pops his eyeballs out.”