Topical Chat, August 23, 2006

Fantasy football draft last night – I’m tired today, but happy with the team (of course, who knows how I’ll be after week 3).

1. On farmers’ claims that cows have regional accents:
“Sounds like a load of ‘bull’ to me … get it?”

2. On reports that Milwaukee is America’s drunkest city:
“In order to live in Milwaukee and date in Milwaukee, one needs to prepare … “

3. On a study that reveals that humans need only 1/10 of a second to decide if someone is attractive:
“That’s funny … sometimes it takes me forever to decide on what I want for lunch…”

4.On a woman who claims to have seen the face of Jesus on her ultrasound:
“It was later discovered that the face was actually only Tommy Chong’s.”

5. On a Florida company that is asking the government to allow it to implant microchips in 1.4 million U.S. servicemen and women:
“Thankfully, Skywalker was eventually able to kill Lord Vader.”

6. On a group of psychologists blaming rap music for the increase in teen pregnancy:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=401684&in_page_id=1770&7
“That’s like blaming country music for illiteracy …”

7. On Paramount ending their relationship with Tom Cruise because of his recent off-screen behavior:
“This will free Cruise up to do the sequel to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

8. On President Clinton’s 60th Birthday:
“Women in New York are being instructed to wear chastity belts all day today.