Topical Chat, July 28, 2006

I haven’t decided if I’m bringing the laptop down to the Outer Banks or not. I’m leaning towards not, so that I can truly vacation, relax, and start planning my fantasy football strategy. We have one opening in our league, by the way, if you have $100 to throw away.

1. On a car dealership in Tennessee that sold a customer a truck, and then stole it back:“That way, the car dealer never has to order a new shipment.”

2. On a person cleaning up after a music festival (in Virginia) finding an urn:“That must’ve been a pain in the ash…”

3. On a MAN who was shot by robbers being saved when a bullet bounced off COINS in his pocket:“More importantly, the man was not forced to become a woman.”

4. On police telling a woman she can't hang a sign on her fence reading, "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses" despite the fact it's been there for 31 years:“All I can say is, I wish I would’ve thought of that sign first.”

5. On a story about the 10 least-important Star Wars action figures:“I’m shocked that Barry Bonds didn’t make the cut.”

6. On a Mexican restaurant in Tennessee named Deadbeat Pete's being closed Thursday by state revenue agents because its taxes have not been paid:“Things like this just can’t be made up… Apparently, the Mexican restaurant has been accused of fathering several children in the neighborhood.”

7. On a judge’s ruling that the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission will not be allowed to seize adult materials it deems obscene without getting a judge's consent:“The judge would like to examine each of these allegedly obscene materials for himself …in the judge’s chamber … alone … for, say, 15 minutes or so … and make sure to bring plenty of tissues and Jergen’s lotion, for the love of God!”

8. On web sites like Amazon.com and MySpace.com possibly being inaccessible soon for many people using public terminals at American schools and libraries, thanks to the U.S. House of Representatives:“It’s always good to see the homeless issue, green-house pollution, the war in Iraq, and other minor issues pushed aside, so that we can truly focus on the important ones.”