Topical Chat, July 26, 2006

Any suggestions on how to tell a female neighbor in her 70’s that she needs to shave her face without upsetting or pissing her off?

1. On an army officer who was arrested for fondling privates:“I fondle my privates regularly, I guess maybe I should stop.”

2. On a At 45 ton bull and standing 30 feet tall, with testicles, that was built in Audubon, Iowa:“That city has got some kind of balls to pull off a stunt like that.”

3. On a club-wielding chimpanzee being spotted in a Thousand Oaks, California, roaming the neighborhood:“Ah, those Californians, always monkeying around.”

4. On police in France thwarting an attempt by a group of marijuana smokers to roll the world's longest joint by seizing a work-in-progress measuring 80 centimetres (32 inches) in length:“The smokers would’ve succeeded had they not taken a 3-hour munchie-break.”

5. On a Jackson County sheriff's deputy being accused of using pepper spray on a group of people riding in a parade, including four children – the incident happened when the cop jokingly told a 14-year-old girl that she better not throw the water at him, and when she did, he opened up with the pepper-spray:“What the story did not cover was that the cop was afraid that the 14-year-old would use her Dora-The-Explorer back-pack on him.”

6. On a man armed with a firearm who interrupted a small party in Australia, shot another man in the groin and ran off:
“That is not what the guy at the party meant when he said he needed to bust a nut.”

7. On a report that many companies have begun allowing employees to bring their pets — specifically dogs — to the workplace:“Looks like the companies are throwing their employees a bone with this one.”

8. On two Dutch nuns, wearing habits and riding bikes, chasing a suspected thief through Amsterdam:“Why do I get the feeling that this will become the next big FOX TV show?”