Topical Chat, July 24, 2006

Just a note to everybody – I’ll be on vacation next
week … now that could either be bad news for you fans
of this blog, or good news for you who are just trying
to throw me a bone by reading my blog.

1. On a restroom art gallery that just recently opened
in Ohio:“I wonder if they’ll accept the “spin-art” that I made in my toilet this morning.”

2. On a jury acquitting a Michigan man of making three
people ill after shaking their hands in December:“After the verdict, the judge respectfully declined shaking the defendant’s hand.”

3. On three New York police officers accidentally
being shot as one or more officers took aim at a pit
bull attacking a member of their crew:“Looks like Mahoney and the boys are up to no good
again.” Or “I guess they started filming Police Academy 8.”

4. On a Wisconsin Police Chief being cited for
driving without a license last week when he was
injured in a traffic accident while pursuing a
speeding vehicle:“And the worst part was that he spilled his beer all
of his Bratwurst.”

5. On Bow-Lingual, a Japanese device that reportedly
breaks down the barrier between man and beast by
translating a canine's every growl and whimper:“After seeing all of those strange dog food commercials as a kid, like Kibbles and Bits and
Snausages, I think I’d rather not know what my dog was
saying to me.”

6. On a pet alligator that nearly bit his Russian
owner’s hand off, when the man tried to give him a
special treat of a sausage for a holiday dinner:“You know, nothing good can come from a story with the
words ‘pet alligator’ in it.”

7. On the trend of male nannies, or mannies, that is
increasingly growing in popularity:“Michael Jackson has a few applications out there as
we speak.”

8. On a Massachusetts man who was arrested after
trying to pass himself off as a police officer when he
was stopped for speeding in Bow (New Hampshire):“Looks like Ted Kennedy is at it again.”