Topical Chat, July 19, 2006

See, all it took was a long power outage for me to be happy to be at work.

1. On the New York Islanders firing their GM that they hired just one month ago, and hiring Garth Snow as their new GM:“Billy Smith is turning over in his grave … and he’s not even dead yet.”

2. On the Montana State Cornholing Doubles Championships being held in Terry on July 29:“When reached for comment, Terry said he couldn’t wait to put the corn back on the cob.”

3. On a Miami man being jailed after he allegedly urinated in the beer cooler at a local convenience store:“He was later let go, when it was discovered that he only urinated on Coors Light.”

4. On a suburban Detroit man putting a pet six-foot boa constrictor in his mailbox to startle a mail carrier as a joke, facing federal criminal charges:“Looks like this guy will be dealing with trouser snakes in the near future.”

5. On Iran's Hizbollah, which claims links to the Lebanese group of the same name, saying on Tuesday it stood ready to attack Israeli and U.S. interests worldwide: “I just can’t understand how we can’t get along with logical people like this.”

6. On the British government ordering 12 new nimrods:“Hmmph – looks like there IS a demand for a Spice Girls reunion.”

7. On a former Henry County Coroner who received a suspended sentence on charges that he last year arranged to pay a Muncie woman to have sex with him in front of her children:“Hey kids, watch mommy do a magic trick!”

8. On a national “masturbate-a-thon” that will be broadcasted on a British TV network at the end of this year:“Apparently, interest in the show is ‘rising.’”