Topical Chat, July 5, 2006

Hopefully none of you got your fingers blown off yesterday, or lost a lot of money on those stinkin’ Germans in the cup.

1. On a new marine in Colorado, who barricaded himself in his house when he found out what marines actually do:
“Earlier, he sent back a vibrator after finding out what it actually does.”

2. On the death of Kenneth Lay (the infamous CEO of Enron):
“It’s gotta be a good day in hell.”

3. On the Mexican election count beginning amid dispute over who won California:
“The South Philly vote should be tabulated as well.”

4. On three people being arrested and charged with stealing confidential information about drink recipes from The Coca-Cola Co. and trying to sell it to rival PepsiCo Inc.:
“Pepsi officials were visibly upset after finding out that the recipe was for New Coke (beings that they already use this one).”

5. On veteran sex symbol Sofia Loren, first featured on magazine covers half a century ago, appearing for next year's Pirelli calendar dressed up only in diamond earrings:
“Hopefully, she won’t trip over her boobs.”

6. On "I Break for Shoo Fly Pie" being the official Pennsylvania bumper sticker:
“Sadly, ‘City of Champions’ doesn’t apply.”

7. On a Scottish town being outraged as a new book claims Captain Kidd wasn't born there and rather than being a bloodthirsty pirate, was actually kind of a wimp:
“The name ‘Kidd’ should’ve been a tipoff.”

8. On an Albino horse in England, that uses 30 bottles of sunscreen a day; remembers compliments, forgets insults; keeps its old love letters, and throws away bank statements:
“The horse also likes long walks in the park, frozen Gellaties, and Playboy magazine … but only for the articles.”