Topical Chat, June 23, 2006

Happy summer, everyone – at least now the 90+ degree temperatures are “seasonal.”

1. On the new and fastest growing cosmetic surgeries in the United States... nipple enlargement:
“I’ve always thought that my nipples were a little droopy.”

2. On a man who found a message in a bottle 11 years after it was written. It was written by his close friend that died last year:
“Well, better late than never.”

3. On 14 staffers at Britain's driver and vehicle licensing agency being fired after they swapped so many pornographic emails that it clogged up the organization's mainframe computer:
“I’m sure that is not all they clogged up, if you get what I mean.”

4. On an Idaho man who was so offended that "The Joy of Gay Sex" was available at his local library, that he checked the book out in protest and says he has no plans to return it:
“Yeah, I am so offended by all the porn on the internet that I am trying to currently download all of it.”

5. On fire chiefs in Oregon being told that they can lose their job if they don't speak Spanish:
“So, when did Oregon secede from the nation? Is it being renamed Oregano?”

6. On foreign spies who are targeting Canada in a quest to gain top secret information including but not limited to Mass Maple Syrup Production, Moose Breeding and Extremely boring CBC Documentaries on Canadian History:
“What about the secrets of playing the neutral zone trap, eh?”

7. On a bartender who, in honor of England's World Cup advance, ripped up his astroturf and installed real grass throughout the bar:
“Well, at least he didn’t do anything drastic, stupid, or potentially damaging to his bar.”

8. On a new documentary called "Wordplay," which is built around people who have made crossword puzzle solving their life's work:
“I’m more interested in the documentary coming out soon called “Watching Grass Grow.”