Topical Chat, June 9, 2006

World Cup time!!!!! I know most of you probably couldn’t care less, but I, for one, am very excited!

1. On a study by the University of West Virginia, that finds a couple can enjoy a low-key night out in Morgantown for less than 24 bucks:
“Even, better news – the research also reports that in 75% of the marriages in Morgantown, couples do not have to go through the hassle of changing last names.”

2. A woman in Missouri, who was angry that her new puppy had died, pushing her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hitting her on the head with the dead Chihuahua:
“Thank goodness she didn’t buy a Doberman.”

3. On two middle school teachers in Tampa resigning after students saw them having sex in a classroom:
“This is actually a breath of fresh air – teachers having sex with themselves, and not the students. If anything, they should get raises.”

4. On Republican U.S. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave's re-election campaign (in Colorado) accusing a Democratic activist of leaving an envelope full of dog feces at Musgrave's Greeley office:
“Sounds like the Deomcrats are dogging her.”

5. On two women in Boston who finally received their high school diplomas after passing the graduation test … taking it 11 times:
“Hey, at least they beat the Kennedys.”

6. On an Ohio man who used a syringe to get his 16-year-old stepdaughter pregnant being sentenced to 20 years in prison:
“I think the Ohio man should be impregnated … by his cell-mate Butch.”

7. On a Nebraska couple who held their rehearsal dinner at Wendy’s, the spot where their love bloomed five years ago:
“Looks like no expense was spared. Hopefully, one of the guests won the ‘fingertip in the chili’ prize.”

8. On several self-avowed pedophiles who founded a political party in the Netherlands and plan to endorse broadcasting pornographic material on daytime television and allowing children as young as 12 to feature in porn films:
“Their first candidate for office will most likely be Michael Jackson.”