Topical Chat, May 29, 2006

Topial Chat, Monday, May 29, 2006

Happy Memorial Day everyone – I hope you all have a fine helping of barbecue food and beverage! Please remember the people who gave themselves for us.

1. On the birth of the Brangelina baby:
“Doctor’s have confirmed that the baby crapped gold this morning.”

2. On brothels in Australia asking to be excluded from the new smoking ban:
“However, I’m not sure the ban covers cock-smoking.”

3. On a man in Kentucky who found a 2-foot baby ball-python draped across the inside of his rental car:
“I guess we can confirm Hertz’s ‘Snakes in a Plane’ advertising promotion.”

4. On a 6-year-old in Minnesota who brought 25 bags of pot to school:
“Jimmy, do you have enough to share with your classmates?”

5. On a woman in Florida who was so annoyed with the a sheriff’s helicopter flying over top of her house, that she began shooting fireworks at them:
“Marge Schott is still alive?”

6. On Pat Robertson claiming that he leg-pressed 2,000 pounds:
“Many of his followers were upset by the claim, saying it was not nearly as outrageous as his previous claims.”

7. On a middle school student in PA being suspended for three days for sharing chewing gum because it contained caffeine:
“The moral of the story – sharing is wrong.”

8. On a store owner in Louisiana being accused of shooting out two tires on a customer's vehicle after the customer said he had no money to pay for gasoline:
“When questioned, the owner apologized for being a bad shot – claiming he was shooting for the head.”