Topical Chat, May 8, 2006
What a great weekend! I went down the shore on Saturday to visit a friend and do some fishing – and we had a great time on the beach … however, no fish. At least the weather was nice.
1. On a Spanish town that hosted a large-scale blind date to help bachelors find mates:
“Unfortunately, after several hours, the event was canceled when the bachelors were unable to physically find anybody. Next year, they will equip the bachelors with seeing eye dogs.”
2. On a New Yorker's attempt to become the first black American to row solo across the Atlantic ending when his homemade boat sprung a leak hours after he left the coast of Africa Sunday:
“Nobody told him that taxis couldn’t float.”
3. New Jersey scrapping its new slogan 'Come See for Yourself' after finding it used elsewhere (second slogan change in less than a year):
“They are considering the ‘Still One of the 50 U.S. States’ one.”
4. On nearly 4,000 mothers in Manila setting a world record this week for the largest number of women simultaneously breast-feeding their babies in the same place:
“In an unrelated story, another record was set for the highest number of perverts in one area, as many hard-up men and band geeks made this historic trek to Manila.”
5. On a 13-year-old boy who told police his mother required him to do his homework first thing when he got off the school bus, then smoked marijuana with him as a reward:
“She was considering allowing him to do blow if he brought back all A’s on his report card.”
6. On prostitutes, strippers and lap dancers being able to claim tax deductions for adult toys and lingerie in Australia:
“No word on whether or not STD treatment was considered tax deductible.”
7. On alleged reports that a golfer at Weequahic Golf Course in Newark attacked another in a dispute over whether a shot was out of bounds:
“This was shocking, as normal fights between golfers center around who is wearing the loudest clothes.”
8. On a woman who was doing her nails causing a United Airlines flight to be diverted because the crew detected a funny odor:“Apparently, it is not illegal to do your nails with laughing gas (get it? Funny odor?)”
posted by Los @ 9:32 AM
2 guys/gals who rule
2 Comments:
You went downashore too, eh? Two words for that... nice!
1. Nothing like a bunch of blind people on dates.
2. Did he name his boat after the Knicks? Because they sprung a leak this year too.
3. First of all, props to Jeff for his last slogan which made me die with laughter. New Jersey is a stand up comic's dream. First a gay governor, now this.
4. Followed by 4000 babies simultaneously burping... good times!
5. What does he get if he graduates high school... a night at the Bunny Ranch?
6. It makes sense to me... business deductions.
7. If it is in Newark NJ, then we have to wonder if the toxic waste dump is considered legal in play.
8. She then pulled out a lighter. Air marshalls shot her on sight. Which should be a lesson to all... don't do your nails on a plane.
I weesh I wahs a leetle feeshy! yehs I doo yehs I doo yehs I doo!
1. Next year: Blind dates for seeing eye dogs!
2. When asked what he's going to do next, the rower commented "I'm going to Disneyland!"
3. More New Jersey slogans:
"So toxic, you'll love it!" "Murder! It's what's for dinner!" and "Yes our teams suck, but we have great cheesesteaks!" (that last one is for philly)
4. And somewhere on the other side of th world, a lone Karl was saying "Eh? Eh?"
5. And for graduation she's buying him whores!
6. I hear IRS auditors get... special treatments from them.
7. What? Were they limp-wristed slap fighting? Sissies.
8. A funny odor, huh? What, did a clown fart????
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