Topical Chat, April 24, 2006

After this weekend’s steady, drenching rain, I really would rather not hear any more drought talk for at least a few months. I’m sure that won’t happen, though.

1. On a judge in New York who says a worker can't be fired for surfing the web, after a man was found playing solitaire on an office computer:
“However, he went just short of making it legal to download porn at work.”

2. On Iran’s president’s decree that says that Iranian women will be allowed to attend soccer matches for first time since the country's 1979 Islamic revolution:
“Word is that they will use the women as goal posts.”

3. On Swedish authorities Saturday who were investigating how a man calling himself a "stateless American" ended up floating on a raft of oil barrels and wood planks in the waters between Denmark and Norway:
“Things have continued to get worse for John Kerry since the presidential elections.”

4. On a startling Internet video that shows someone spraying graffiti on what looked to be Air Force One – it looked so authentic, that the Air Force wasn't immediately certain whether the plane had been targeted (it was another plane that was painted to look like Air Force One):
“They were a little weary because of a prior hoax in which some pranksters painted a dump truck to look like the Starship Enterprise.”

5. On a carpenter in California who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude being arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff:
“The carpenter defended himself by saying that his penis is more accurate than standard tape measures.”

6. On an Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache being found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun:
“Las month he tried to kill himself by jumping off a bridge … unfortunately, he landed on Monica Lewinsky.”

7. On workers who were trying to clean out a grease clog, and ended up blasting a North Carolina house with 3,000 gallons of raw sewage:
“Fortunately, the neighbor never noticed.”

8. On a would-be robber who was trying to steal from an empty stadium, and got caught when he got lost searching for an exit:
“Must’ve been during a Phillies game.”