Topical Chat, April 19, 2006

Another beautiful day spent inside a brick prison (work).

1. On a man who found a fruitcake that was given to him in 1962 … in his attic:
“He is planning on putting it back in circulation this coming Christmas.”

2. On an Idaho man who has trouble gaining weight reaching 100-pound mark by eating 6,500 calories a day:
“I always said the first 100-pounds are the hardest…”

3. On a man accused of repeatedly exposing himself to the same woman being arrested after woman snaps his photo:
“The woman said she had no problems reporting her husband.”

4. On a Tennessee man who reported he was carjacked, cooking up his story after he later regretted selling his car to a teenager in exchange for a $150 bag of cocaine:
“No word on whether the police would be giving Darryl Strawberry his car back.”

5. On a New York City restaurateur who admitted he exposed himself to a woman in a subway car, an act the woman captured with her cellular telephone camera:
“Hey, guess what’s for dinner tonight?”

6. On a Columbus man who asked for directions early Monday, but the two pedestrians from whom he sought help stole his car instead:
“Wait, no drugs?”

7. On Hawaii considering giving the Humuhumunukunukuapuaa Fish Back Its Honor As Official State Fish:
“Hopefully, they’ll consider lengthening the name a little.”

8. On a woman in Pennsylvania who is being accused by authorities of marrying three men while she was already married with five children:“This sounds like a bad Mama’s Family episode … wait, were there any good Mama’s Family episodes?”